the delicious wolves
by Lady Shinimegami
Summary: When Merry goes looking for the missing Pippin, old feelings are brought to light.
1. 2: jealous of your cigarette

(Welcome to my second LOTRs fic, I'm a Took at heart so I always write about them. Unlike my last fic, this takes place after the LOTRs, so it will contain spoilers. Like: Merry and Pippin live - if you didn't get that from the summary, then you are stupid.)

  
  


(last night we were) the delicious wolves

  
  


1432

  
  


Chapter Two: jealous of your cigarette

  
  


It was true that Diamond Took never had a warm place in Master Meriadoc's heart. What Peregrin Took, her husband of five and a half years and life long friend, saw in her was a thing Merry never understood. Perhaps he could see that Pippin liked her for her shining chocolate brown hair, fair complexion and deep green eyes. Or maybe it was because, no matter how he despised her, she was smart and made good conversation. Merry didn't really see it, personally.

It had been nearly fourteen years since the four hobbits, Frodo Baggins son of Drogo, Samwise Gamgee son of Hamfast the Gaffer, Peregrin Took, son of Paladin and Meriadoc Brandybuck son of Saradoc returned from a quest thought by most inhabitants of Middle-Earth to be the most courageous and important quest in their lifetime - though no one in the Shire really understood that it had happened.

Things had almost gone back to normal. Frodo had become mayor, Sam had finally married Rosie Cotton and Merry and Pippin were always seen wearing their armour of Rohan and Gondor and lived together in Crickhollow... for awhile. Frodo had left for the Grey Havens in 1421, and the three remaining hobbits couldn't remember a more bitter parting.

And now? Now Meriadoc lived once more in Buckland, as he had since Peregrin wed Diamond. He was of course now Master Meriadoc for Saradoc had passed away earlier that year. Many gifts had been sent to him from the Lady Éowyn in Ithilien, but they brought little joy to his heart... and whatever joy he had had now seemed to be quailed by the despicable Diamond Took- a hobbit undeserving of her name.

"He left yesterday morning while we were in Stock, said he'd be back by night or the morning at the latest. I'm sorry to bother you, but you are his best friend."

Best friend? Merry thought to himself bitterly. I've barely spoken to him since you married him.

"Do you think he's alright?"

"Peregrin?" No, he thought. I think he's insane.

"Yes of course! Something must have happened. Oh Merry you have to help me!"

Merry tensed at being called his nickname by her. Why had he even invited her in for tea? Of course it wasn't the hobbit way to send someone off when they've come for a visit, but he probably could have come up with an excuse. "Oh hello Diamond, sorry, I'm in the middle of something extremely important. Go away and for pity's sake - never come back!" No, of course that couldn't have worked.

"Where's Faramir?" Merry was asking where Pippin's 2-year-old son was.

"Faramir? Oh Merry, do you understand what I'm saying? Pippin has been missing for a day. It's unlike him!"

"Maybe he just couldn't be bothered to leave the Prancing Pony so soon..." Merry muttered to himself, thinking over what Diamond was telling to him. It was possible that Pippin might be hurt somewhere. Half of him wanted to jump up, grab his sword and dash off on a pony to find Pippin, and the other half was too angry at Diamond, at Pippin, at himself and couldn't be bothered to leave home.

"His pony returned riderless this afternoon. You have to help me find him."

Merry looked at her, trying to hide his concern. "You mean you want me to find him for you, isn't that it?"

"Meriadoc Brandybuck. I know you seem to have ill feelings towards me, but will you stop being so stubborn and think about Pippin for a moment!"

"I think about Pippin-" every second of every day. Merry cut himself off. "Where was he heading to?"

"Bree."

"In the middle of winter!?!"

"I doubt he knew there was going to be a snowstorm, when it struck he must have been near or on the East Road... Oh Merry I'm so worried. I know you-"

Merry stood up from the table with a start, nearly knocking over their untouched tea cups. "You know nothing about me Diamond of Long Cleeve. Now I must take my leave of you because my... friend needs my assistance. Good day!" Then he stormed out of the room, leaving Diamond confused because she didn't know whether or not to be happy or angry.

Diamond hadn't wanted to go to Merry for assistance, for obvious reasons, but when the snow storm had hit the night before and then Pippin still hadn't returned, she didn't know who else to share her concerns with. She thought of going to Sam for help, and while that seemed a good idea, as soon as she stepped out of the door she knew Merry was the best person to go to for help. Not only was Merry just across the river, he was his best friend, well, at least Pippin referred to him as his best friend, but she new they never spoke anymore. A mystery to most.

"I'll let myself out," she said to herself and left to return to Stock, where she was staying with some cousins.

  
  


The uniform of Rohan hung as it had these past five and a half years in his closet. Meriadoc Brandybuck, Knight of Rohan. It seemed a distant dream to look on the red cape and shirt, with a small shirt of mail beneath and a sword of the Riddermark. It seemed like ages since he was given this, and perhaps it had only been a dream. He hadn't worn it since Pippin's wedding. That morning it was like he was preparing for battle and he rode to the field where they were wed and watched from afar, knowing that Pippin was getting married because of him.

He had wanted to ride away to Rohan, perhaps he had meant to. But he couldn't stand the thought of being taken away from his friend again, and he knew that he couldn't abandon his new wife who waited patiently for him at Brandy hall. He had wanted to run away from life, but it seemed to have tied him down.

"What are you doing?" The voice of Estella Brandybuck floated into the room.

"I'm going out." Merry said sternly, strapping on his sword. "I might not be back until tomorrow, or possibly even later."

"Who goes out at nightfall?"

"I do."

"What was Diamond doing here? And where's she going? You should have asked her to stay the night."

Merry looked at his wife with disdain. Whatever his feelings were of Diamond, they were double towards Estella. It was cruel that he had married her, for her part.

"She's been staying with her cousins in Stock, I'm not going to be here tonight."

"Are you off to see another girl?"

Merry laughed. "I'm going to find Pippin!"

"Oh Pippin, much better," Estella said between clenched teeth. "Have you lost him?"

"No, it seems Diamond has." Merry took his cloak and looked at his wife. "I think Pippin's in trouble."

"And why do you have to go look for him? What if it snows again? And what about the wolves?"

Merry unsheathed his sword.

"You don't need to worry about me, you know that."

"What makes you think I've ever worried about you?"

"Yes, one has to care for that."

"I do care! It's you who-!" Estella stopped herself and took a deep breath. "Never mind."

"Goodbye, I must go speak with Pippin," then Merry began to walk out of the door.

"Speak with Pippin, speak with Pippin. Why are you going to speak with Pippin? You haven't spoken in over five years."

Merry turned around. "Because we haven't spoken in over five years." Then Merry had left the room.

  
  


It was when Merry left his house and the cold of winter hit his face that he realised he had reason to fear for Pippin. The snow, the wind, the wolves and Pippin's unfortunate tendency to find trouble. It was a fact that Pippin had spent most of his life in trouble, whether it was with his parents, the neighbours, Gandalf or - and Merry cringed at the memory - with Sauron. Yet Pippin did always manage to find his out of this trouble.

Despite that, Merry was a little worried. His heart quailed with the thought of Pippin being hurt, and he felt deep down that Pippin was.

Looking around the snowy landscape he was a little worried, because despite Diamond giving him Pippin's exact location, he had no clue where to find him. He could be anywhere.

"Well Master Meriadoc... You're no tracker like Strider, but you've always found Pippin before." He sighed. "Follow your heart..."

There were no tracks he could find that belonged to Pippin, in fact there were no tracks he could find at all. There was snow, more snow than usually seen in the Shire and it seemed a terribly evil omen. He knew it was winters like this that brought the starving wolves forth, not even the Rangers could always keep them back.

He imagined that Pippin had taken the road from Stock north to the Brandywine bridge where he had then turned towards Bree on the East Road. He nearly raced to the East Road as the sun completely set, but once there he went slowly along the road to Bree, keeping a ear open for wolves and an eye open for tracks. He wished he could find a Ranger to help him and it wasn't before long that his thoughts turned to Strider, or rather King Elessar in the south. He wanted very badly to see him once more.

It wasn't before too long when Merry realised that he had wandered off the road, having let the pony wander freely without thinking about it. He was now heading south towards the Old Forest, a place of good and terrible memories all at once. He was going to turn around and make his way back to the road - if he could find it in the dark - but he stopped and looked around hearing a deafening silence.

Follow your heart, he thought. "I can always go back to the road."

He continued on through the scattered woods in the pitch black night. He wanted to light a torch, but the thought of something seeing him made him change his mind. Of course it also made him wonder if he might not miss Pippin. He thought to stop for the night and wait until the morning to continue looking for him. But he simply could not stop with the thought of Pippin huddled all alone in the cold.

"I'm a stupid, stupid hobbit," he said, trying desperately to peer through the night and wishing he had brought another cloak, his elven cloak sprang to mind. Why hadn't he taken that one? Why had Pippin been traveling to Bree? Why was he out looking for him? Too many questions suddenly plagued his mind.

Merry stopped his pony and closed his eyes. This was hopeless. Even if Pippin was out in this forest, what was the chance that he'd find him? Pippin was probably in Bree already. No... Merry knew in his heart that it wasn't so. Pippin was in this forest, and he might be badly hurt. Marry took out a torch he had brought and lit it with his tinder box.

The heat hit him instantly and it seemed to warm his heart as he continued through the still darkening forest. The trees began to close in around him and all hope of finding Pippin seemed to disappear. And then he heard the sound of growling.

Wolves. Merry thought. His hand went instantly to his sword's hilt. "Pippin!" Merry called out, and then a figure jumped on him. It was a wolf.

Before the wolf could sink its teeth into him, Merry had his sword out and slashed at it, it yelped and backed up. Merry held the torch up, and saw eyes glinting at him through the darkness.

"Come at me!" The wolves obeyed and began to attack, but none were quick enough for the large hobbit, and they soon realized this and ran off. "Cowards..." Merry muttered to himself, and saw with some dismay that his left hand had been bitten, thought the bite was not deep.

The pony had run off, and Merry hoped it would find its way safely home, then Merry continued on. The journey wasn't a long one and soon Merry found the wolves small cave. He approached it, waiting for the wolves to jump out at him, but none came and he knew they were all out, so he entered and felt his heart stop.

There, sprawled out on the cave floor in ripped clothing was the lifeless form Peregrin Took.

  
  


(Yay cliffhanger! The general idea of this story came to me years ago, and I began writing this lovely little story about Merry and Pippin and the difficulties of their relationship, and the more I wrote the farther away I got from the time line. When I read the time line and saw how off it was - e.g., Strider showed up a good ten years too soon - I decided that the story was hopeless. I also had no clue where to go from a certain point. This story, which is in every right a continuation of that story, seeing the old one took place when Merry and Pippin first got married, was brought to life when I told my theories to my sister Sony_Mouse and we started going back and forth and thinking of a further plot. I started writing it while listening to my Hawksley Workman CD, and it dawned on my that the songs seemed to follow my story pretty well, and it also helped me finally find the ending to my story. So that's why all the tittles are so strange, each chapter is a song off the album - (last night we were) the delicious wolves. Chapter one by the by, 'striptease', would be what I wrote before and you will never read because well... it was just a means to an end. I shall call you CDFic, and you shall be mine, and you shall be my CDFic. Well, listen to the album and read the story and I hope you like my strange tale of love and woe)


	2. 3: you me and the weather

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

  
  


1432

  
  


Chapter Three: you me and the weather

  
  


"Pippin!" Merry yelled and fell to his knees, cradling Pippin's cold body in his arms. "No!" How could this be? It wasn't real, it wasn't real, it wasn't real. "Say something... say anything. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." he whispered as his eyes filled with tears. "Please say something..."

Silence.

No, not complete silence. He heard a soft and far off noise, like a soft drum. With a sudden burst of hope he realised that it was Pippin's heart. He was alive.

Merry wasted no time. He ran outside and quickly grabbed some branches on the ground, as much as he could find laying around, not waiting around for a moment longer to see if the wolves were returning. Then Merry ran back into the cave and began making a small fire, the entire time looking at Pippin and reassuring him that everything was going to be fine. That he would be just fine.

"Oh Pippin, how did you get yourself into this?" Merry asked his unconscious friend as he gently placed him beside the fire and began to look over his wounds.

The back of his head had dried blood on it and his traveling cloak was ripped near the neck. Merry imagined that he had been knocked unconscious and then dragged to this cave, but luck was with Pippin. He was after all still alive, although barely. Merry took Pippin's already ripped cloak and ripped it more to make a thin bandage which he wrapped around Pippin's head. Merry sat back and tried to think of what to do.

Attempting to travel tonight seemed very unlikely, while the chances of the wolves returning that night seemed all too likely. He couldn't stay and he couldn't leave. Still, his only choice was to wait until morning and then take Pippin back to Brandy hall for help, and it looked like he would have to carry Pippin there. 

He wanted Pippin to wake up, it would put his heart at ease if he knew if his friend wasn't badly injured, and yet he was worried what would happen when Pippin did wake up. Estella had put it rather simply, why try and speak to him now when that hadn't spoken for years? Was there even anything to say to the hobbit who had once been his best friend... who had once been his lover? He hadn't been so torn in his mind for a long time.

Howling suddenly sounded in the distance and Merry wished for the daylight to come quickly. "Wake up Pippin," he urged his friend silently, deciding that he cared more for the well-being of Pippin rather than the awkwardness. "Your silence is unnerving. You always used to have something to say..."

It was strange to think that this was the first time Merry had seen his best friend in more than five years. Of course he had seen him, but only from afar. Pippin lived in Tuckborough and he lived in Buckland and they never made the trip to see each other like they once did in their youth. There was a time when they would see each other almost every day. There was a time when Merry couldn't live without Pippin.

Without even thinking about it, Merry found his hand moving towards Pippin's cheek. His finger caressed his skin and with a smile Merry felt the warmth returning to him.

"Well Pippin, seems you only needed a friend beside you... if you even consider me a friend still," Merry took his cloak off then and laid it over Pippin. Pippin was 42 now, and yet as Merry looked now at him he still seemed to be terribly young. Merry saw before him the 29-year-old hobbit that had been swept up into the quest of the ring without considering the dangers, but going out of friendship. That was the hobbit Merry loved.

  
  


To say that nobody knew of their love was probably true. Perhaps their closest friends noticed something, but most hobbits didn't notice mostly out of ignorance. They had loved each other and none could change that. They had gone through so much together and had always come out together. Merry once thought that nothing could ever break them from the other... and yet something had.

Times had been good once, their secret love had been beautiful. When no one was looking sometimes Merry would lean over and kiss Pippin on the cheek, or take him by the hand and they would walk the Shire causing mischief or would just revel in the other. He missed those days so much it was unbearable. He missed how carefree they had been, how in love with each other they had been. What had gone wrong?

Oh yes, Merry thought to himself. His son Faramir. Pippin had wanted a family.

Merry looked away to the opening of the cave, but he heard nothing. The wolves were still far away, probably chasing his pony. There was nothing to worry about for now.

A memory entered Merry's head then, not of anything that transpired in the Old Forest, but away west on the River Brandywine. Merry couldn't remember when it had happened. When they had been walking along its shores, and when they began to chase each other and role on the grass until Pippin had rolled right into the river... and had dragged Merry with him.

They had stood on the shore wet and shivering, but not from the cold water, from how nervous they felt as they stared into each others eyes, arms wrapped around the other never wanting to let go. Their faces coming closer together until they kissed. They could have stayed there for the rest of their lives... but the moment faded and then so did the memory.

It had been a perfect moment in a fleeting time.

Always they knew that their love had to be kept secret. Always they knew it would be difficult to be with the other one. Always a part of them knew that some things were strong enough to pull them apart. Pippin had wanted a child. Merry knew for the longest time and he watched as it tore Pippin apart. He had just watched as his friend had suffered. He watched now, because he didn't know what else to do.

Things couldn't have gone any differently, it was a heavy heart that Merry admitted that to himself. 'You cannot be always torn is two.' That's one of the last things Frodo had ever said to Sam before he left the Shire for the Grey Havens. It was something he had not truly understood until he realised it was so with Pippin.

Merry had known he was fighting a losing battle for Pippin's heart.

  
  


"Well Pippin, memories will help nothing. I must ask, why were you going to Bree?" Pippin, whose face was regaining its rosy colour still remained silent. "Fine then, keep your secrets. Though you were never good at that in the past..." Merry looked his friend over with a fond eye. "It couldn't possibly because you wanted to see old Butterbur again." Merry smiled at the memory of the forgetful innkeeper.

He took the cloak off of Pippin and began to look through Pippin's pockets, to see it he had written anything down that might tell Merry exactly why he had run off to Bree in the middle of winter. Suddenly his had came across a folded piece of paper. He took it out of Pippin's pocket and saw that it was a letter.

  
  


Peregrin Took, son of Paladin

The Prancing Pony

Bree in Eriador

  
  


"Why's a letter been sent to you in Bree?" Merry asked, placing the cloak over Pippin once more. He sat back and began to read.

  
  


My Dearest Pippin,

  
  


I am glad indeed to hear from you, and your letter has come none too late, for I do have news to tell you. I once told you that I would go to your Shire, and although I dare not leave now, for there is much work to do here even with the help of Legolas, Gimli and their kin, I shall promise this though:

In three years time I shall come to the Shire and with me my queen shall come as well, and perhaps we shall dwell for a time there as I once did in my days with the Dúnedain. Look for me my friend, and tell Sam and Merry as well. It shall be a joyous reunion.

The fellowship may have ended, but not our friendship.

My apologizes if this letter finds you late, perhaps I am standing before you as you read this. It was sent to our dear friend Butterbur because the messenger carrying it could not go through the Shire. I included a letter to Butterbur asking him to send it to you, but in case he has forgotten, I'd like to clarify that I wrote this letter late fall in the year 10 of the fourth age, year 1432 by the Shire reckoning I believe.

  
  


All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not whither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed was blade that was broken,

The crownless again is king.

  
  


"Well how do you like that." Merry said to himself in astonishment. "Pippin got a letter from Strider, I've never gotten a letter from him."

"You've never written him."

Fear gripped Merry. Pippin was awake. He slowly lowered the letter and saw Pippin's clear eyes staring back at him.

"Is that all he wrote? I must have given him a ten page letter," Pippin continued. "Though I suppose he is very busy, being King now and all..."

"You're awake..." Merry said, still shocked.

"Yes..." Pippin looked around the cave, clearly confused. "Where am I?"

"In the Old Forest, wolves were going to eat you."

Pippin sat up with a calm demeanor and put his hand on his head. "Wolves? What an end that would have been..."

"What happened to you? How do you feel? ...Do you need anything?" Merry was leaning forward, anxious to do anything for him. Pippin smiled back.

"My head hurts."

"You have a bad cut on your head."

Pippin stood up and immediately felt dizzy and almost fell, but Merry was quickly by his side catching him, holding him once more. Pippin looked up at Merry and seemed to feel dizzier. He quickly looked away and took a step back.

"What did he say?"

Merry sat back down, his head spinning. "What?"

"Strider, what did he say in the letter?"

"I don't know, read it yourself." Merry said and handed Pippin the letter.

"Nob sent me a letter to come to Bree, remember Nob? Butterbur was far too scared to send the King's letter, so he sent for me. Merry? Are you even listening?"

Merry's attention was on the opening of the cave.

"Fine, you spent the last five and a half years ignoring me, why stop now? Why are you even here?" Pippin's voice turned to annoyance.

"Why are you here?"

"The last thing I remember is falling off my pony this morning."

"You ought to be more careful."

"What is the matter with you?"

"What's the...?" Merry asked, looking back at Pippin with a sharp eye. "Oh nothing Pippin. I did save your life though, so be a little grateful and stop hassling me!" Merry said, turning back towards Pippin.

"Fine! I'll get Diamond to bake you a cake!" Pippin sat down and began to look towards the cave entrance himself.

The two sat like that, both staring out the cave, wanting desperately to look at each other, and yet this anger continued to rise in them. They were stuck fighting between two emotions until dawn or the wolves were to come forth.

"This is why we don't see each other anymore, isn't it?" Merry asked after a long uncomfortable silence.

Pippin said nothing, he simply continued to stare out of the opening, his knees brought up to his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. He wanted to say something back to Merry, he wished that he was hugging him rather than his legs. Why did they have to fight? They shouldn't have had to fight.

Merry could only look at Pippin, at the hobbit he had let slip through his fingers. The hobbit he had spent five years blaming his misery on and hating more than anything else in the world... and now that he stared at him curled up by the fire... Now he could only remember a time when they both loved each other more than life itself. A time when they were happy.

When morning came, the two silently made their way back to the Brandywine Bridge without incident or word and took their leave from each other, both trying desperately to not look back at one another, and somewhere in the back of their minds both were wishing that they were walking home together.

  
  


(I'd like to thank Cecilia Gray and Birch Tree - yes, this is a slash - for giving me a review! Means a lot to me, so thank you. Now, in case you don't understand the whole Butterbur things, I'd suggest you read 'Fellowship', but here's the summary: Gandalf left a letter with the Prancing Pony's inn keeper, Butterbur, to tell Frodo to leave sooner, but he forgot to send it, which made Strider rather angry with Butterbur, even though he did mean well. I'd like to thank Sony_Mouse for threatening, hitting and bribing me to write this story. I'd also like to thank Tolkien for making his books so complicated that it takes half an hour to figure out when the hell Strider had a son, and then only learn that he was named Eldarion - well it's better than Elfwine. Finally, I'd like to thank Mr. Workman for inspiring me to no end. I'm sorry the last two chapters have been short, to be completely honest they should have been one chapter because it's just the setup, but because of my strange CD thing I'm doing the story might get just a little drawn out and the chapters short - but I will make an effort to make the next chapters longer, especially seeing I'm being offered a truffle for a long chapter. There will only be eight more chapters - that is either good or bad depending on your attention span. Hey, is there anyone else out there who feels sorry for Estella and Diamond?)


	3. 4: little tragedies

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

  
  


1433

  
  


Chapter Four: little tragedies

  
  


Life seemed to go on as it ever did in the Shire. Winter passed away and Pippin and his family returned to their home in Tuckborough. Indeed the memory of Pippin's near death was all but forgotten. For Pippin, returning to his home was bittersweet. Another year had passed and life seemed to slow down.

Spending time with Merry that night... even though it had been short lived and compiled mostly of fighting broke something in Pippin. Whatever wall had been up that had helped Pippin live without Merry was suddenly gone and every day seemed to last a lifetime, and it was full of misery and regret.

Diamond saw this in her husband. She wasn't exactly sure of the cause, but every day he seemed to slip a little farther from her and she wanted desperately to help him. Nothing she did or tried to do for him brought Pippin any comfort. She thought perhaps that Pippin was lonely, but even when Sam had come for a visit there was no real change in his demeanor, and so the thought to ask Merry to visit overcame to her.

Why Merry did not like Diamond was a small mystery to her, she thought perhaps that it was simply because she had married his best friend and took Pippin away from him and their childhood games and adventures, but she thought that didn't make much sense seeing Merry had married Estella himself. Perhaps Merry simply did not get along with her. Though this seemed a small matter, she knew that Merry and Pippin were the best of friends, him being around might cheer Pippin up, and that's all that mattered to her right then.

So it was that in the Spring of 1433 Merry was invited to Tuckborough.

Merry didn't see why he should go at first, and Diamond didn't explain herself very well. He had every intention of writing her back with his own explanation as to why he didn't have the time - or some other such excuse - to be able to travel to Tuckborough. Every day he would sit at his desk to write this letter, but every day he would drift off in thought, thinking of merrier times when he would travel that road and be at his happiest. He knew the road very well, and would love to travel down it once more... but things were different now.

It wasn't until he had had a particularly nasty fight with Estella, one of the many they always managed to find themselves in, that he finally sat down and wrote his reply to Diamond. The reply was different then what Merry had originally envisioned. Where to words 'I regretfully decline' should have gone, now 'I shall arrive no more then a day after you receive this' read. As soon as he sent to letter, he began to pack a few things, the entire time Estella stood over him shouting things that were less than kind.

The next day, which was a particularly sunny and wonderful day with a light breeze and a calm atmosphere, Merry set out on a pony, wearing his Elven cloak.

Traveling was slow, because although it was terribly nice to be traveling away from his homestead, he was a little nervous about traveling towards Pippin's. In the cave together things had not gone exactly well and the thought of his visit making things even worse made him slow to almost a complete stop.

He went along the road, through the woods where Frodo, Sam and Pippin had once cut across trying to hide from the Black Riders, something that Merry was both glad and disappointed that he had missed out on. However his journey did finally come to and end nearly an hour after nightfall he was before Pippin's hobbit hole in Tuckborough.

With a deep breath Merry dismounted and walked towards the door.

  
  


"Oh Merry! I was beginning to worry," Diamond greeted him at the door with a broad smile on her face. She was honestly relieved to see him.

"Hullo Diamond... nice to see you again," Merry forced a smile on his face and before anything else could be said Diamond had dragged Merry into the home and was taking his cloak as she began telling him how glad she was that he had managed to come on such short notice... even though it had been almost two weeks since she had sent him the letter. "We were just finishing supper."

"Sorry if I've come at a bad time."

"Nonsense, I asked you to come and so you have. We have some food if you're hungry," Diamond reassured him happily, and then they walked into the kitchen and Merry came to face to face with Pippin, who looked more shocked then Merry had ever seen him look.

"Merry... what are you doing here?"

"Oh come now Pippin, be nice," Diamond said to Pippin, wrapping her arms around his, then she turned to Merry. "You'll have to forgive Pippin. He hasn't been in the best of moods lately."

Merry couldn't tear his eyes off of Diamond's hands, all over Pippin... his Pippin.

Pippin felt the heat of Merry's glare and pulled away from his wife. "Is he staying the night?" He asked quietly, but of course Merry could still hear.

"Well I was thinking he could stay for a while. I thought it might be nice for you to have an old friend around, to make you feel a little better."

Pippin leaned into Diamond. "Can I talk to you, in private?" Pippin whispered.

Diamond put a smile on. "Of course. We'll be right back Merry."

The two left the room, Pippin looking at Merry with a mixture of anger and pure confusion.

  
  


"What are you doing?" Pippin asked once they were in their room, the door closed.

"I have tried everything Peregrin Took, everything to make you feel better and everything I do only seems to make things worse-" Pippin tried to say something, but Diamond put her hand up. "Listen to me Pippin, I'm worried about you, I'm scared. I've never seen you like this, and if Merry can help, then he can stay."

"Merry can't help..."

"Then ask him to leave."

"It's not that simple Diamond. I can't just ask him to leave."

"Why Pippin? You can't do anything lately. It's killing me to see you like this," Diamond came forward and hugged Pippin, holding him close. "You know I love you..."

"I know," Pippin whispered back, a hint of guilt in my eyes.

"I just want to see you happy again," she pulled back her hands gently holding onto his arms, looking up into his eyes with love. "I can ask him to leave tomorrow, or he can stay, whatever you want."

"Whatever I want..." Pippin leaned forward and kissed Diamond's forehead. "Fine..." Pippin left the room and made his way back to the kitchen where he found Merry sitting at the table, his chin resting on his hand, almost smiling.

There was a look in Merry's eyes then that he hadn't seen in the longest time, a look of mischief, of ego... of love even, a look that said to Pippin: 'I've got you.' Pippin wanted to look away and tell him right then that he had to leave, probably forever, but he couldn't tear his eyes off of Merry.

"I never intended to come." Merry said softly, breaking the moment.

"But you did."

"Should I leave?" Merry asked, making no sign of leaving, seeming to already know the answer.

Yes. Yes. Yes. "No." Pippin said, not realizing what he had said until it had come out, but he didn't take it back, he couldn't. He didn't want to.

"Great, aren't you going to show me to my room?"

  
  


When Merry woke up the next morning, he found Diamond busy in the kitchen, but there was no sign of Pippin. As soon as Merry walked into the kitchen Diamond turned around with a smile on her face.

"Good morning, I was just making breakfast," she said and Merry could see that she looked a little frustrated and tired.

"Smells good..." Merry looked around. "Um, where's Pippin?"

Diamond looked away. "He went... out for the day..." She turned back to Merry with a brave smile. "He'll be back for supper."

"Well until then-"

"I don't know what's wrong with him," Diamond turned around again, her eyes filled with despair. "He's just so sad and I don't know what to do anymore," her eyes were beginning to fill with tears and Merry felt a tinge of pity for her, but he quickly pushed it aside.

Suddenly Diamond's face changed into a smile and she wiped her eyes. "Good morning Faramir," she greeted her son happily and kneeled down.

Merry quickly turned around and a young hobbit walked into the room. Merry caught his breath. It was Pippin's son, walking hurriedly to his mother's waiting arms. This was the child that took Pippin away from him, and he looked just like Pippin, his curious eyes, thin face and light brown hair. This was Faramir.

"Look Fran. Daddy has a visitor. This is Meriadoc Brandybuck, but we call him Merry. Say 'hullo Merry'. 'Hullo Merry'."

"Hullo Merry," Faramir said softly, nuzzling his head into his mothers arms.

"Hello..." Merry said as if in a trance.

"Mummy, I hungry..."

"Oh patience Frany, why don't you and Merry go outside and wait," Diamond put Faramir down, holding his hand. "You don't mind, do you Merry?"

"No... we'll just go out for a bit," Merry smiled down at Faramir. "Shall we?"

"Go along Fran. I have some work to do."

Faramir walked over and took Merry's hand, looking back at his mother who waved her hands at them with a smile.

"Go, go."

Merry and Faramir made their way outside to the garden. The entire time Merry couldn't take his eyes off of the miniature version of Pippin as he walked twice as fast just to keep up with the older hobbit. Faramir seemed so little and fragile. Merry couldn't help but wonder if that's how everyone in the fellowship had felt around the hobbits.

Once outside Faramir made his way to the garden and began playing in the dirt, Merry wondered if he should try to keep him from getting dirty, but simply sat down and watched him play in awe. He partially understood Pippin's want of having children as he watched Faramir play, how he was clumsy and yet so gentle. A child...

"Your father and I were good friends you know... once..." Merry started speaking to the child, who was more interested in stacking mud in between the flowers then paying any attention to Merry. "We did everything together... but in the end he loved you more than me." Merry was silent as this innocent being played before him.

Faramir got up then and walked over to Merry, holding out a flower.

"Merry," he said, handing the flower to Merry.

With a gentle smile, Merry took the flower from him. "Well you're not so bad..." he leaned in. "Your mother on the other hand-"

"Boys! Come in for breakfast!" Diamond's voice called from inside.

"Well," Merry smiled. "That's a story for when you're older." Then Merry picked Faramir up and they made their way back into Pippin's home.

  
  


Pippin did return just before supper, he had spent the entire day wandering around Tuckburough with the sole purpose of avoiding Merry for the time being, but he assured his wife that he had been out doing errands that couldn't wait until a later date, an explanation that Diamond accepted even though she didn't really believe him. She just didn't want to fight.

Supper went by without incident... in fact it went by with absolutely nothing happening. Faramir had been put to bed and they ate in an all consuming silence. It was probably the most uncomfortable time any of them had ever had. Sometimes they would look up at each other, but if they caught the eye of someone else they would look away.

Diamond was perhaps the most distressed. She didn't know what was going on between the two. She didn't understand why her husband was so distant. She put on a brave front, but Merry could see that deep down she was crumbling and Merry couldn't blame her. He also couldn't feel pity for her. She had Pippin. She was the victor and he was the person cast aside in the flotsam and jetsam of the battle.

It was perhaps because of this feeling that Merry found himself refilling his ale glass more often then he normally did at dinner time, or any other time.

When supper was finally over Pippin seemed just a little annoyed, Merry came off as a little too wobbly and Diamond was at her wit's end. "Well," she began, "I have some dishes to do, perhaps you two want to go talk... somewhere else?" She needed to be alone, needed to be away from the tension.

"You don't need any help?" Pippin asked, unsure if he wanted to be alone with Merry.

"No, no. No help, thank you," she said with a smile. "You two go and smoke your pipes."

With that the two hobbits took their leave of her and made their way to the study, but not before Merry fetched a few more bottles of ale. They then sat down and began smoking, staring at each other, saying nothing, but wanting to say everything.

"This is silly," Merry finally spoke.

"What is?"

"We shouldn't fight."

"I'm not fighting anyone," Pippin denied and took a swing of ale.

Merry put an empty bottle of ale down and leaned forward in his chair. "You don't have to love me, but you don't have to hate me either."

Pippin's eyes went wide. He wanted to lash out at Merry for even mentioning the word 'love' between them. He had spent many nights trying to convince himself that what the two had shared together had nothing to do with love, that it was a part of his life that he didn't regret but was more than happy was over.

"We can't do this," Pippin explained shortly.

"Do what? Tell me what I can't do Pippin," Merry said as he began to drink another cup of ale.

"This. You can't suddenly show up in my life and expect things to be..."

"To be what?"

Pippin suddenly smelt Merry's breath. "How much ale have you drunk?"

"Not enough..."

"I'm not going to speak with you when you're drunk," Pippin got up and was about to leave, but Merry's grabbed his wrist.

"You can't walk away from your problems."

Pippin turned around and looked into Merry's eyes. His eyes filled with pain and regret. "You know that's all you are Merry, just some problem that won't go away... You are what is wrong with my life and I wish you would just leave me alone."

"I thought I could... but then I saw you again Pip..." Merry smiled.

"Stop it," Pippin pleaded softly, as Merry got to his feet, swaying lightly, his hand on Pippin's cheek.

"You don't have to hate me."

"You're drunk," Pippin said and pulled away, Merry fell back onto the chair laughing.

"Way! Hey! to the bottle I go

To heal my heart and drown my woe.

Rain may fall and wind may blow,

And many miles are still to go,..."

"You'll wake Faramir!" Pippin scolded Merry.

"I can't remember the rest..." Merry said, looking off into the distance, trying to remember. "We used to sing it all the time... remember Pip?" Merry turned his gaze back to Pippin.

"Yes, I remember a lot of things." Pippin said bitterly, and then left the room leaving Merry alone.

  
  


The next day Pippin stayed at home, but still avoided Merry at all costs, angry with the hobbit. Diamond couldn't help but be happy at the change in Pippin, instead of walking about the house like a ghost, he was actually showing his feelings, bitter feelings perhaps, but Diamond was happy with any change at this point.

When they had their meals all of them would speak, though Merry and Pippin never spoke together, they would speak to Faramir or Diamond. The only time they did speak was when Merry asked Pippin for the butter at elevenses, but other then that it was complete silence between the two, until it came time for supper.

"Pippin," Diamond said while the two were in the kitchen together. Faramir had just been put to bed and Diamond was about to serve supper. "Could you go fetch Merry? He's outside."

"I don't suppose you could...?"

"Peregrin Took, I spend all day cooking for you, the least you could do if gather the people who are going to eat it."

Pippin sighed as if he had been given a great task to complete. "Alright. I'm going," he left the kitchen and the hobbit hole and found Merry outside in the garden, sitting quite like he had been yesterday as he had watched Faramir play in the dirt, only now his eyes were turned up towards the heavens.

"Merry, we're having supper, I'll only tell you once."

"Shh," Merry said softly back to him. "Look." Merry's head nodded upwards and despite himself, Pippin looked up and gasped.

There were no clouds, the moon shone brightly and the stars twinkled majestically. A breathtaking night sky... but that's not what Pippin noticed all at once, he saw above him comets racing through the sky, a meteor shower.

"My goodness," Pippin said in shock. "It's beautiful."

"Yes..." Merry said with a smile, his eyes no longer looking up, but towards his friend. "The most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

  
  


(Thank you: Liska, Iciak and Vreda Morrsion! Thank you for the glitter kisses and sorry about my grammar. Anyway, now to my comments. Sometimes I liked writing Faramir, the rest of the time not so much. I asked my mom - mother of six children - when kids start walking and talking. Her reply: "I dunno, look it up in a book." How can someone who's had six children not be an expert!?! Ah well, I took a shot in the dark at how a 2 and half-year-old might act. I think he's kinda cute. I wanted the reason for Merry and Pippin breaking up to be irresistibly lovable. Also, as far as calling him 'Fran' went, Sony told me to put it as 'Fram', but I didn't like that name at all, it didn't roll off my tongue nearly as well, didn't sound 'cute'. I fear I might be breaking canon here, but I just feel Fran is the better nickname for a little kid. Some of you may recognize the drinking song, I took it right out of the book, but then I changed some of the words to make it flow a bit better, so it's in between the book and movie version. I call it my version. I don't really know what else to say about this chapter. It was fairly difficult to write because I want these two to be fighting and don't want them to move fast, yet every time I put Merry in a scene he seems to want to jump Pippin's bones. I can't say I blame him, but it does get a little annoying after a while. Yes, I am speaking about characters as if they were real. In the scene where Diamond tells them to go smoke their pipes, I can see her lighting one up after they leave to relieve the stress. Poor Diamond,I feel sorry for her, so I'm trying to make her character strong and likable, but in the end she is but a barrier. I'd love to write a Fic from Diamond's and Estella's POV. Oh yeah, I wanted to talk about the title of the story. At first I wasn't going to keep the album's name as the title for the story, but the more I looked at it the more I felt it was perfect. It feels rather sexual, if you ask me, and the 'last night we were' is kinda like saying 'once we were lovers'. So that's how I saw the title and like I said, I thought it was perfect. Now I have to go write more or Sony_Mouse will beat me with a bat... if I'm lucky...)


	4. 5: what a woman

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

  
  


1433

  
  


Chapter Five: what a woman

  
  


The three hobbits sat around the table together laughing as they reminisced about times long forgotten. Sam, Merry and Pippin were all at the Green Dragon once more. Summer had nearly come to the Shire and the idea had come up that they should all get together.

Matters between Merry and Pippin had lightened a great deal from their two weeks together and the two seemed able to stand each others company, to the point that when Merry sent Pippin a letter asking if he wanted to meet with Sam and him at the Green Dragon, Pippin couldn't see any reason not to.

When Sam got the letter asking if he wanted to see Merry and Pippin he was ecstatic. Between being elected mayor and having seven kids; Elanor, Frodo, Rose, Merry, Pippin, Goldilocks and Hamfast (and Rosie was pregnant with yet another one), he barely had time to make visits to his friends, and his friends barely ever came to Hobbiton anymore.

"Has it really been six years since we've all been together then?" Sam asked.

"Maybe a bit longer even," Merry said.

"Well that's a right shame, we ought to try and see each other more often. Though now I'm thinking I'll be seeing even less of you Merry, or rather Master Meriadoc," Sam added with a friendly smile.

"I think I'd rather spend more time at the pub with my friends now, 50 indeed - I feel only 33! I don't feel like an adult at all."

"And you don't act like one either, one would think you'd have matured past your tweens by now," Pippin interjected. "I feel like I'm the older one more often than not."

"Oh please Pip, everyone knows you're a child in a hobbit's body."

"50's a right good age, Bilbo was 50 when he went off on his adventure." Sam said with a smile.

"Frodo too," Pippin added, but stopped when he saw the look of loss on Sam's face.

"Well I'm older then the both of ya," Sam said anew, "and let me tell you that neither of you have grown up a bit since 1419."

"Well," said Pippin on a more serious note. "We did most of our growing up in that year, I think."

"And look at you two now, still arguing over something meaningless in the Green Dragon," Sam shook his head with a smile. He had missed being with his friends so much. When Frodo had left, it was like he had lost a piece of himself, and when Merry and Pippin started making themselves scarce, he would have fallen into depression if it hadn't been for Rosie.

"Well here's to the Green Dragon!" Merry said, raising his glass.

Pippin and Sam raised their glass as well and with a salute to the Green Dragon their glasses knocked against each other and then they finished off their ale.

"So you say Strider's coming to the Shire? Imagine that, a King in Hobbiton," Sam said with a far off look, the kind he used to get whenever he thought of Elves before the quest of the ring. "Think he'll bring Legolas and Gimli with him? I'd right like to see them again as well."

"I wish they would come, though Strider didn't mention it in his letter," Pippin explained. "He didn't mention a lot actually. So busy and all..."

"Well we shall just have to write back and invite them, won't we!"

"I'd say that's as good a plan as any," Merry said, and raised his glass, filled once more with ale. "To old friends," he said, and as they toasted his eyes were locked onto Pippin's.

"Old friends," Pippin and Sam repeated, downing their ale.

"Rosie will be in a right mood if I come home drunk, we best not have any more toasts for a while Merry," Sam said.

"I'll toast to that." Merry laughed.

"Hear, hear!" Pippin shouted, and the two drank some more ale.

Sam watched the two with a content look in his eyes. "You two really haven't changed you know, but it's a good thing... It's nice to know that some things you can count on." Sam finished and began to lite his pipe.

Merry and Pippin lowered their eyes then. Things had changed, and they both knew it. Maybe it wasn't apparent to others that they were desperately sad these days, or perhaps people simply didn't care to take notice. They looked at each other, true sadness in their eyes.

Yes, things had changed.

  
  


"Well my boys, it's getting late and Rosie's probably waiting up for me," Sam spoke up some time later.

"Oh c'mon Sam, just a bit longer, we never see each other anymore," Merry tried to persuade him with a smile. "Rosie won't notice."

"Yeah, what's a few more pints?" Pippin asked.

"Far more then Rosie would have me drinking," Sam said and stood up with a small wobble.

Merry and Pippin laughed. "I doubt you'll even make it home Sam," Merry chuckled.

"She'll find you asleep in the garden tomorrow." Pippin added, causing him and Merry to laugh more.

"Hmph, some friends the lot of you are," Sam put him hand on Merry's shoulder. "Still... I sometimes wonder if you're not my only real friends... The only ones who know me..."

Merry patted Sam's hand, looking up at his friend. "Get going Sam, ale's no good for your head."

"Don't get into trouble then, as Mayor I'm sure to be blamed."

"G'night Sam, we'll see you another day."

Then Sam left, a few of the patrons and drunkards shouted out their goodbyes to him as well as he left the pub and then Merry and Pippin were alone, looking down at the table as they drank the rest of their ale.

"I didn't want to correct him," Merry suddenly said.

"What's that?" Pippin asked, looking up at Merry.

"When he said that we hadn't changed... I didn't want to correct him," Merry said, looking into Pippin's eyes with such love that Pippin had to look away again.

"Yeah... things have changed..."

"Of course, once I started thinking about how much things had changed, I couldn't help but think about how much they hadn't changed. So maybe Sam was right about that..."

"Look at us Merry, we're bitter hobbits who can barely look at each other anymore. We hate our lives, we hate each other-"

"Stop." Merry said gently, Pippin looked up confused. "That's what hasn't changed." He smiled. "We don't hate each other Pip. I thought we did for so long, but we don't."

"Are you drunk again?"

"I've had less than you."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Just like you find it hard to believe that you're still in love with me, but it's true."

"Keep your voice down," Pippin's whisper came out in a hiss.

"Oh please, everyone's so drunk in here they can barely hear what they're saying, let alone us."

Pippin looked at Merry, his eyes showing his grief. "I know it hurts you to hear this, but I don't love you... sometimes I don't think I ever did. It was a lie."

"That's the lie," Merry said softly.

"No."

"Give me your hand."

"What?"

"Honestly, give me your hand. I want to show you something."

Merry put his right hand in the middle of the table and slowly and reluctantly Pippin gave him his hand. Merry took Pippin's hand and covered it with his left, holding it with a firm gentleness, caressing it with his hand. Pippin instantly wanted to pull away, because his heart melted at the touch of his friend.

"I know things are complicated now, maybe more so now that I've chosen to stop trying to ignore our feelings. But you can't ignore me," Merry brought Pippin's hand close to his face, taking in the smell of his love and then he kissed his knuckles.

Pippin felt his heart stop. He couldn't breath. He wanted to grab Merry and hold him close. He wanted to forget everything and just be with Merry more than anything... but he couldn't forget his family... He couldn't forget Diamond... and he couldn't forget Faramir. His feelings were stuck in his throat and he couldn't utter a word. A tear fell down Pippin's cheek and Merry brushed it away with his thumb, and as if he had been awaken from a deep sleep Pippin took a deep breath of air.

"Stop... you can't do this..." Pippin protested in a whisper.

"See, you still love me," Merry said with a grin.

"It doesn't change anything Merry. Things are different."

"Only if you let them be."

"It's not a game Merry," Pippin's voice found its volume again. "We can't do things like this anymore."

Merry leaned in close, a mischievous smile on his face. "Like what? Tell me what I can't do."

"Be with me. You can't be with me."

"Why?"

"I'm married."

"Do you love her more than me?"

"Merry, I-"

"Tell me," Merry sat back.

Pippin paused, not wanting to say the words, but he couldn't lie. "I never did love her more then I loved Frodo or Sam."

"Thought so."

"Merry... it's over... it's been over for a long time."

"No, and you know it. I can see it, you can see it. Why are you still trying to fight it?"

Pippin looked down at his hand, Merry was still holding it. He was trying to fight his feelings so hard that it hurt. It was wrong, he told himself. He would be betraying people whom he loved no matter what he did. He suddenly felt angry with Merry for putting him in this situation.

"You're horrible for doing this to me."

"I'm not going to fight with you."

"Well I'm going to fight with you." Pippin looked back at Merry with sheer determination, pulling his hand away. "If you had wanted to be with me so badly..." Pippin couldn't finish the sentence, his memory of them breaking up too strong in his mind. He could remember his wedding, Diamond at his side and away in the distance sat Merry on his pony. He didn't come... Pippin finally understood that they would never be together, and now six years later Merry had suddenly changed his mind.

"It's not my fault that I wasn't good enough for you, that you needed more in your life," Merry said with some bitterness.

"No, it isn't your fault, but you shouldn't use it as an excuse to blame me for all the faults in our relationship."

"Why Pip, you just admitted that we're still in a relationship."

"For pity's sake Merry! Stop acting like we're playing a game! We're not!" Pippin shouted and suddenly the room went dead silent, suddenly taking notice of the two. The crowd watched them, waiting for something else to happen, but soon lost interest in them after a few moments of them simply staring at each other and turned away.

Pippin cleared his throat and rose. "Maybe I do still love you... but I'm having a hard time believing that you love me."

"I love you."

"Shut up."

"I love you."

"Goodnight Master Meriadoc." Pippin said and quickly left the pub.

Merry sat for a few moments and then picked up his glass of ale. "You want to believe?" He asked out loud, looking at the door Pippin disappeared through. "I'll make you believe." He downed the rest of his ale and followed Pippin's example and left the pub.

  
  


(Mien Gott it's hard to sustain this tension. I want them to kiss, and yet I know it can't be that easy because they have obligations... that and they're never really alone. Wait... no... Oh bloody hell. I can't help but think that I am basically just writing about someone who wants to have an affair with their old boyfriend, of course it's much more complicated than that, but think about it. Married couple is very unhappy together, so one tracks down his old love - quite literally in this case - and then spends the next few months trying to convince them to have an affair with them. Of course the real question is: Will he succeed? Well there are six more chapters, so who knows what will happen! I only know a little bit abut what's coming... and my God I have no clue how I'm going to pull it off... Anyway, I was happy to have Sam in this story. In chapter one Sam watches this relationship fall apart and he's the only person who really notices, and it really bothers him because these two could be together, unlike him and Frodo. If you see what I mean there. Sam was basically living vicariously through them. In this story his role has obviously been greatly depleted, but I tried to incorporate some of the same emotions. As far as the way I portrayed Rosie goes, I figure she's just one of those wives with seven children who would worry about her husband a lot, or worry over most details in life because she has so much to look after. Poor Rosie. I mean honestly, thirteen kids? You're almost sure there had to be some extra help for that one. Well thank you NeverSayDie and ElViShAnI19, awesome reviews. I should stop rambling now, hope you're enjoying this story as much as Sonya's enjoying making me write it)


	5. 6: your beauty must be rubbing off

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

  
  


1433

  
  


Chapter Six: your beauty must be rubbing off

  
  


Pippin hadn't even reached Bywater before he heard the sounds of racing hoofs behind him. Pippin went to the side of the road, expecting a pony to rush past him, but instead heard the hoofs begin to slow down. Pippin quickly looked back, memories of the black riders coming upon him... but then sure enough he saw the figure of a hobbit on a pony. Not just any hobbit though, a rather tall hobbit, a rather familiar hobbit, a hobbit from Buckland.

"Where do you even think you're going?" Merry asked, coming alongside Pippin who looked away and continued riding south.

"Anywhere you're not privy too."

"You're going back to Tuckborough now?"

"If you want something, ask for it and then please leave me alone."

"I want you."

"Well you can't have me!" Pippin snapped, his head turning towards Merry. "So just go home."

"As it happens, this is the way home."

"Leave me alone Merry, I don't need this... I don't need you."

Merry pulled his pony in front of Pippin's, forcing the animal to stop. "Well I need you Peregrin." Merry said, and there was no playful look on his face, no mischief in his eyes. Only sincerity and love. "I really do love you Pippin."

"And I really don't believe you," Pippin said, but there was no conviction in his voice.

"Look, let's talk. We can go to Bywater and stay at the inn, and we can talk."

"Just talk?"

"Pippin, can't you trust me anymore? Don't be a stranger."

"You are a stranger to me... I don't know who you are anymore."

"Well you've completely changed on me too, decided you wanted kids."

"I didn't just decide that one day! Move. I don't want to keep fighting with you. I never want to see you again."

Pippin gave a swift kick to his pony, but Merry quickly grabbed Pippin's reins, bringing him to a rearing halt.

"Merry just let go! Just let go of me!"

Merry shook his head. "I let you go once... I couldn't live if I had to do that again. Just come to the inn with me. We could both use some sleep. Just give me that, and if you still hate me tomorrow, then I'll leave you alone for all eternity if I must."

Pippin knew he could just say no and ride away, but he couldn't, because he wanted to go with Merry and be with Merry... and the more he wanted that the more he hated Merry. Yet he didn't want Merry to leave him alone, despite how frustrating the last few months had been, the fact that Merry had been there... It made him feel alive again. He didn't want to lose that, he didn't want to lose his reason for living.

He didn't want to give up either.

"Fine, one night," Pippin agreed and Merry smiled.

"Alright Pip, one night."

Merry let go of his reins and the two were off towards Bywater once more.

"I can't even think of what you want to talk about," Pippin said.

"Us, of course."

"How many times do I have to tell you that there is no us?"

"There is an us," Merry looked at Pippin, their faces highlighted by the moon. "There always has been an us, but you just want to ignore it for some reason."

"Some reason? There are two very good reasons that there is no us."

"If our wives are the only reasons you can think of, then you don't have much of an argument."

"Merry... we, are, married."

"Yes but we don't love them."

"That's not the point-"

"You love me right?"

"... Yes, I love you."

"And I love you."

"So you say."

"No, so I feel Pip. We love each other, that's all I can see."

Pippin closed his eyes in pain and frustration. "Why are you trying to simplify this? It's so much more complicated than that."

"I don't think it is..."

Neither said anything else as Bywater came into view. They found their way to the inn, looking at each other occasionally, trying to figure out what the other one was thinking, trying to figure out what was going to happen to them. Were they never going to see each other after tonight? And if not, if they did see each other again, then in what way would it be? What way could it be? Could they even be friends anymore?

Their ponies were put in the stable and Merry paid for their one room, then the two slightly exhausted hobbits made their way to the room.

"Not a bad place this," Merry said once they were in the room. A few small beds, a desk with an oil lamp on it and a few candles spread around the room. "Not great either..."

Pippin shrugged. "It was your money," he sat down on one of the beds, wanting to fall asleep. "Are you going to speak, or aren't you?"

"Are you going to listen?"

"I'm here, aren't I?"

"Yes," Merry smiled once more, and then he sat down on another bed, and the two looked at each other. "Well..." Merry didn't know what to say now, he had wanted Pippin to stay with him so badly that he hadn't really thought through what he had wanted to say.

"Let me start," Pippin offered. "You have lost your mind. You've dragged up old feelings that should have been left alone because you want to have an affair with your wife."

"That's not what this is about, at all Pip, you know this. Forget about Estella and Diamond because it doesn't concern them. This is about the fact that we are still in love with each other. We can't just sit around and ignore that."

"Yes, we can. We've been doing a great job of it for more than five years. Why stop now? Why are you having this change of heart?"

"Because I can't live without you."

Pippin looked at Merry, knowing what he meant, seeing the suffering in his eyes, a suffering he didn't think was there. Every day for six years Pippin had felt like someone had ripped out his heart... like Merry had ripped out his heart, but as he looked at Merry now he could swear that he was looking into a mirror. His pain, his suffering, his love all there in the eyes of Merry.

"You really do love me... don't you?"

"More than life itself."

"So why... Why for more than five years have you ignore me?" Pippin asked, near tears.

"I wanted you to be happy with your family... Weren't you?"

"Was I? Yes, I was happy... Well, happy enough."

"I haven't had a single moment of happiness with Estella. Not even a fake one. Sometimes I pity her for having married me."

"Oh Merry, can't you see that it's because we have pity for these girls that we can't be together? We got married and we have to live with that. Don't you understand that?"

"Not as well as you do it seems..."

"I want to be with you. Ok? Happy now? I want to, but we can't. We couldn't..." Pippin's voice was breaking, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks.

Merry got up then and sat down beside Pippin, before Pippin could say anything Merry's arms were wrapped around Pippin's thin frame, his head nuzzled into his neck.

"Stop crying," Merry said quietly. "I can't bear to see you cry."

Pippin swallowed hard, his eyes closed, taking in Merry being so close to him. He wanted this. He wanted it so badly. His head leaned in, laying on top of Merry's, his hair against his cheek. It was horrible how much he wanted this.

"Diamond really does loves me you know, it would kill her..." Pippin said meekly, trying to hold on to reason. "I couldn't hurt her like that... I just couldn't..."

Merry lifted his head, his face so close to Pippin's that it was almost touching. Pippin saw in Merry's eyes tears of his own.

"I just couldn't leave you again..."

His face was so close, his gentle breathing against Pippin's cheeks. He could see every detail of his face, every beautiful and wonderful detail. His delicate eyelashes and thin light brown eyebrows... and his lips, red and quivering. So close...

"We've gotten ourselves into some mess," Pippin said, trying to smile, but only more tears came. "I wish... I wish things could go back..."

"Me too, Pip."

Merry's face came closer then and Pippin found his heart pound all the harder and then Merry held Pippin's head and he kissed his forehead.

Pippin was on his feet almost immediately.

"Just talk! You said just talk!" Pippin yelled, deep down in his heart wishing that he had just stayed where he had been. "Nothing can happen. I don't want anything to happen." He lied.

Merry was on his feet then, slowly walking towards Pippin, a near playful look glimmering in his eyes.

"Just talk," Pippin said futilely, the words having lost all meaning. He was against the wall, nowhere left to go, Merry walked closer and closer until he was right in front of him. "Just talk..."

"I can't think of anything else to say," Merry said, hovering in front of Pippin for another few seconds, savoring his eyes, and then he suddenly moved forward, his arms grabbing Pippin and his mouth finding its way to his.

Pippin felt as if he had lost all weight. He felt Merry's arms around him, and he felt his tongue and his teeth and his wondrous lips... but he couldn't feel the floor or his head. His heart was about to burst. He felt like he had to first time Merry had ever kissed him. He forgot about Diamond and Faramir for a moment and could only remember Merry... and then Merry pulled away and their eyes met.

"So... you still mad at me Pip?"

Pippin could say nothing, but instead grabbed Merry and they kissed once more. It was like the two had been released from their bonds. They could be together, and they wanted it more than anything. They practically ate each other up.

Merry pulled away, smiling playfully. His hands came to Pippin's neck, unclasping his cloak, letting it fall to the ground. He kissed Pippin's neck, his hands unbuttoning his vest and shirt, pulling them off, revealing Pippin's soft shoulders. Merry looked down at his chest for a moment. Memories of his Pippin flashing back to him. He kissed his shoulders and Pippin's hands clawed at his Merry.

There was no turning back.

  
  


(BWAHAHA!!! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That was a FUN scene to write. I tell ya man, I was beginning to feel that if they didn't kiss soon my head would just pop, and now that I've finally written it I feel all so joyous. What a super-cool Christmas this is! I could probably just end the story here, huh? They're together again, so why must the story go on? Well I suppose to obvious answer to that is there's still so much unresolved. I'd love to stop right here and say that they all lived happily ever after, but we must first take care of Diamond and Estella. The story is not finished! The outcome is not clear! Moowhahahaha! I feel so evil and creative! All hail me! ALL FEAR ME!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Banky: Fuck, I knew those chocolates would go right to her demented head. Her writing's only going to get weirder. Aoi: Well it could be worse. Banky: How could this be possibly worse? Aoi: Remember her Harry Potter fic? Banky: I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER MENTION THAT, THAT, THAT... THING AGAIN!!! Aoi: See, this is much better than that. Wow guys, what the hell are you doing here? Aoi: I think the later at night you write, the more we come out. One tends to link it back to the fact that you're absolutely insane. ... Well Aoi, it's a fair assumtion *twitch, twitch*. I wonder if Banky would have an anurism if the next chapter had hobbit sex in it. Aoi: I think you'd have one less muse dear LS. Though one has to wonder how two males could have intercourse when KYGely wasn't invented yet. ...Um... Can't say I've ever wondered about that actually)


	6. 7: old bloody orange

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

1433

Chapter Seven: old bloody orange

Pippin stood on the field nervous and confused. He didn't want to be there, of course he didn't. But there was nowhere else to be anymore. He was going to marry Diamond of Long Cleeve and he was going to have a family and he would forget about Merry and be happy... but he couldn't stop wondering where Merry was.

He looked around the crowd of happy faces. There was his father Paladin and mother Eglantine, his three older sisters Pearl, Pimpernel and Pervinca waving at him, all so happy that he was finally settling down. There was Diamond's parents, and every other hobbit that Pippin had ever met. It was a big wedding, at the insistence of the future Mrs. Peregrin Took. He hadn't wanted a big ceremony, he had just wanted to get it over with.

Sam stood next to him wearing his Elven cloak, Sting hanging by his side. Rosie and their four children with her. The youngest had just been born the month before, and he had been named Merry. Pippin thought he might cry if he looked at the little Merry any longer, and so he looked away, fidgeting with his Elven cloak and sword of Gondor.

He had desperately tried to look proper for his wedding, but he only felt awkward. In the back of his mind he only felt guilt. It was his fault Merry wasn't there today, his fault because he had wanted a family. Because he just couldn't be happy with how wonderful his life had been. And yet he also felt anger towards Merry, finding ways to blame him as well. Who's fault was it, really? Was it anyone's? Had they been doomed to fail?

Pippin suddenly heard music start up and he realised the ceremony had begun and Merry wasn't there. Merry wasn't there to come and take him away, to come and rescue him from marriage. They could ride off together and be happy and all would be well... but it was too late because there was Diamond walking down the aisle towards him.

She did look lovely, a long white dress with different coloured flowers all over it. Her veil had golden mallor leaves in it. People would describe it as being breathtaking, but Pippin could only remember it as being one of the saddest days of his life. Diamond in her beautiful gown walking towards him with a bright smile, and then his eyes caught something in the distance, a figure on a pony.

Merry.

Pippin smiled then, because he thought Merry was there for him, done up in with Rohan gear. A true rescue. Whatever anger or guilt had been there suddenly disappeared for that fleeting moment when he was sure Merry would come ridding down the hill for him... but then he didn't ride down the hill. Diamond kept walking closer, thinking his smile was for her, and Merry suddenly turned and left.

His heart felt like it had been carefully put back together, only to be shattered by the same assailant. Merry was leaving and Pippin knew that he would never come back. He would never come back. Pippin was all alone.

"Merry!" Pippin sat up in bed, his eyes wide in fear.

"Go back to bed Pip," a muffled reply came from beside him.

Pippin turned his head and saw Merry beside him, barely conscious, light from the window streaming in on them.

He wasn't alone, he hadn't left forever. Merry was right there beside him.

Pippin smiled and laid back down beside him, a hand caressing Merry's hair and ear. It was like nothing had ever changed. For a moment Pippin felt like they were back at Crickhollow and they were happy and nothing could ever change that.

"Merry," Pippin whispered his name, loving the sound of it. 

"Hm?" Came Merry's reply, he shifted a little in bed, but made no real sign of waking.

"You're not going to leave me again, are you?" Merry said nothing and Pippin snuggled up to his naked body, his head resting against his chest. "I couldn't take it if you left me again... Not again..."

Merry's breathing deepened and Pippin could tell that he was probably fast asleep again. Feeling a tinge of impatience, Pippin reached forward and pinched Merry's arm.

"Ah!" Merry cried and his eyes shot open. "Wha-who-where...?" Merry turned his head and found himself face to face with Pippin. "Hullo Pip," he greeted him a tad confused. Last night seemed a blur of emotions to him.

"Good morning."

Merry turned his head and squinted his eyes as he looked out the window. He turned back to Pippin. "I don't think it's the morning anymore..." He said slowly.

"No... I don't think so either."

"Right..." Merry closed his eyes again.

"Hey wake up," Pippin said and playfully hit Merry's head.

"No, sleep is good. Go to sleep," Merry put his hand on Pippin's face. Pippin backed away and sat up.

"Merry wake up."

Merry sighed and looked up at Pippin. "I'm awake... now what?"

"That was my question."

Merry rubbed his eyes and propped himself up against the bed post. He scratched his head. "What exactly was your question?"

"Now what? You dragged me in this far... so now what?"

"I think I'm too tired to think..."

"What's your excuse for when you're not tired?"

"Hey," Merry protested and the two smiled at each other. Merry grabbed Pippin's arm and pulled him down, kissing him softly on this lips. "How about we stay here?"

"Forever?"

"Yeah... forever..."

Pippin laid down on Merry's warm body, listening to his heart beat softly. He could stay like that forever and ever and never have to worry about a thing again, and he wanted to, except for the thoughts no gnawing at the back of his head.

"... Merry?"

"Yeah Pip?"

"What have we done?"

"No, no... no thinking in the morning."

"I have a family."

Merry sat up, causing Pippin to sit up as well. They looked at each other long and hard. Merry sighed, and then from a bowl of fruit grabbed two oranges, handing one to Pippin. 

"Well you have the family, so you tell me what's going to happen. Do you go off and forget this ever happened, or..." He asked, peeling the orange, praying with all his heart that Pippin wouldn't just get up and walked away.

"Or what?" Pippin rolled the orange in his hand, not feeling hungry for once in his life.

Merry kissed his nose. "Or anything, just let it be with me."

"I can't leave Faramir."

"You don't have to, I rather like him."

"That means I can't leave Diamond either."

"Ah," Merry leaned back against the bed, breathing in deeply. "So no running off," Merry said it as if he were joking, eating a piece of the orange, but Pippin could tell that somewhere in Merry's heart he did want to run off with him.

"I don't want to leave you either."

"What do you want?"

Pippin thought about it for a moment. "I want this," he leaned forward, dropping his orange and putting a hand on either side of Merry, kissing him. He pulled away for a moment and saw Merry smiling.

"Really?"

"Nobody would have to know. We could visit each other like we used to and... be together like we used to."

Merry threw away his orange, grabbed Pippin and rolled him over. He looked down at Pippin with a smile, his cocky grin of victory. "Really? You're serious? You'd do that?"

Pippin raised his hand, his finger tracing Merry's cheeks. "There's nothing else I can do... I can't lie to myself anymore, you..." Pippin looked deep into Merry's eyes, a weight lifted because he could finally let himself love him again. He could finally admit to himself all the things that had gone though his mind. "You're my reason for living." He whispered, his hand playing with Merry's hair. "You're my everything."

Merry leaned down and kissed him on the forehead, his mouth trailed down to his ear. "Think anybody would notice if we spent another night here?" He whispered softly.

"I highly doubt it." Pippin whispered back, as he held Merry close to him.

(It kills me that Pippin's the youngest of four siblings, and the only son. Really love that fact about him, and so had to mentioned it somewhere. Well, it seems that Merry acts like me in the morning, I never want to get up... unless I have incentive, and Merry definitely has that from a cute boy kissing him... or rather beating on him. I gotta tell you, I find it slightly difficult trying to write Merry and Pippin, not that I don't know their characters, it's just that I'm trying to write them slightly older, I'm trying to figure out how they would act after all the heartbreak and mistrust that they've been through. Well, I'm hoping that I'm doing a good job and hoping even more that you like it. Shoot outs: Rainbowsnstars, thanks for the heads up and I agree completely with your review, Pointy-Eared Archer, next chapter, just wait until next chapter, Meg, *hands you some bandages* brain guts can be a bitch to clean. Special shoout out to: Iciak, NeverSayDie and Rainbowsnstars - you're me loyal reviewers! I'm thinking I should start a section just for answering reviews... For anybody who was looking forward to hobbit sex in this chapter, sorry, it just didn't seem to fit in this chapter. I gotta tell you, I'm really going through the reasoning with these two guys, as they try and figure out how they're going to be together, so am I. It's really hard for me to get over the fact that they're both cheating on their wives. I feel a little sorry for them, and I want to show that later on - just a little sneak peak. Those of you who know my writing, know that I'm a very angsty writer, you may have gotten that from the five chapters of them fighting. Well I'm very excited about the next chapter... and the chapter after that... Oh I love it all!)


	7. 8: clever not beautiful

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

1434

Chapter Eight: clever not beautiful

Things were good. Days turned into weeks, into months, into a year. Time seemed to slip away for the two lovers. At the beginning things were somewhat difficult. When Pippin finally returned to his home he felt guilty, but then the next day he pushed his guilt aside and had never missed Merry so much and quickly traveled to Buckland.

The two went back and forth spending weeks at a time at each others houses, and sometimes the two would both travel up to Hobbiton to visit Sam, for which he was always grateful of (especially seeing his eight child Daisy had been born). Diamond was happy that Pippin finally seemed happy, Estella was happy that she didn't have to fight with Merry constantly and was given time to herself, and Merry and Pippin were happy because they could finally be together.

Faramir, now almost 4-years-old was becoming fonder of Merry every day and would more often then not call him 'uncle'. Sometimes Faramir would go with Pippin to Brandy Hall and Merry would take him out on a boat. To Merry, it felt like the three of them were a family, but there were always days when he was left alone with Estella and her nagging.

"You don't take your life seriously.", "You're ignoring your duties.", "You're ignoring me.", "Why is Pippin suddenly around all the time?", "If he's going to come, why can't he come and leave his brat at home?", "Are you seeing someone else?"

Nothing new, and far too old. There was a time when they had first been married that Estella was a distant hobbit, but years of neglect had made her bitter beyond her years. She was only 48, and there were moments when she'd be looking at something beautiful like a garden or a painting and beauty would shine through her eyes and she seemed happy once more... but there were also times when her thoughts were bent on bitterness and her age seemed to have doubled. It was times those that Merry was reminded of the Sackville-Baggins.

"I can't say I knew him as well as your father, but he seemed to be a great man. Now his wife, the Lady Éowyn was something else. Faramir had to be someone amazing to get such a special Lady..."

Faramir looked up at Merry with interest. The two were sitting in Pippin's garden one morning in the summer. Pippin and Merry were setting off to Brandy Hall that day, though at the moment Merry was just saying his goodbyes to Faramir.

"Her and Faramir sent me a sword some time ago that I have been wanting to give you," Merry leaned in. "But your mother says it can't be yours until you're a lot older. If she had her way though-"

"Merry," Pippin's voice cut him off, Merry leaned back innocently.

"That's all for today then, next time maybe I'll tell you about the Nazgul."

"Merry," Pippin said a bit more forcefully. "I don't think you ought to be telling him about those."

"Why daddy?" Faramir asked. "What's a... Narzul?"

"It's nothing that you or anybody else will ever have to worry about ever again. Your father and uncle took care of them a long time ago."

"I'd say I had a little more to do with it."

"Oh yes, you snuck about and poked one."

"And what, pray tell, did you accomplish to be-rid the world of them?"

"They were there at the Black Gate."

"Yes! While you were trapped under a Troll!"

Faramir stared at the two squabbled with crossed eyes. The words made sense to him, and yet the more they spoke, they less sense the combinations made. After a few minutes Faramir gave up and found himself puckering about in the garden.

"Now what in the world does Farmer Maggot have to do with this?"

"Lots! But it's no good me explaining it to you, you didn't even have the decency to be there," Pippin shot back and he lifted himself onto his pony. Diamond came out of their hobbit hole then to see them off.

"I was busy entertaining Fatty in Crickhollow while you lot got to have a grand adventure!"

Diamond waved at the two and they left, holding Faramir's hand. The two hobbits waved back at her, but didn't stop their bickering to say anything. Diamond felt a slight sadness as they left, as Pippin left. He had been much happier this past year, and yet he also seemed more distant from her. Some days he would be gone completely, off at Brandy Hall... like today. His voice disappearing into the distance.

"Bombadil didn't fight the riders either!"

"My point exactly!"

Estella was gone for the week, off to visit her parents. The prospect of being completely alone with Pippin for a week had never presented itself before, and now that it had Merry couldn't pass the opportunity up. Things were good, and Merry couldn't remember a happier time... but things seemed to be trying to destroy themselves.

Merry couldn't help but notice how all of this affected Estella. He could tell that she knew something. Not just from her asking, she had always asked, but Merry could tell then that it had been mostly to bother him. Now when she asked him if he was seeing someone else, there was a certain spite in her words. Words that made clear to him without a doubt that she knew all this time away from home had to do with some secret love. Maybe it was his own paranoia... but what if she really did know something was going on?

The servants were all dismissed and the first night at the hall was complete bliss. They cooked a fine meal for themselves and then cleaned, splashing water at each other. When they had cleaned the dishes, they decided to clean themselves and took a bath together, enjoying the silence of the hall and the company of the other hobbit.

That night with Estella gone, they were able to spend it in Merry's bed, their hearts thrilled with the pure taboo of the situation. It was the perfect day, the perfect night... it was simply perfection and for that time neither of them worried over the more complicated details of their lives. They just concentrated on the moment, on each other.

"It's strange how things turned out," Merry said one night, his fingers playing in Pippin's hair as it rained outside. "Twenty years ago I never would have seen any of this coming."

"Twenty years ago we didn't even know what was going to happen the next day let alone twenty years from then. I can remember thinking I'd never reach 33."

Merry laughed. "Yeah... but those were the best of times."

"Those were the days I remember waking up and feeling like life had just started again, every day was something different."

"Well," Merry shrugged. "Something different, but always a way to get into the same trouble." They both smiled.

"Oh listen to us, I feel like my parents."

Merry kissed his forehead. "You are a parent."

"Yeah... I am," Pippin said with a smile.

"Not a bad one either," Merry said and lifted Pippin's face up by his chin, and then softly kissed him on the lips as the lighting erupted outside, enveloping them both in blue light. And then:

CRASH

It had sounded like glass or something similar breaking... but it had sounded like it had come from inside the room.

The two looked towards the door and their hearts stopped.

Estella stood there with a shocked expression on her face, a broken tea cup by her feet.

Neither of them moved for the longest time, too shocked to move, until suddenly Estella turned and walked out of them room.

"Oh no," Merry whispered and quickly jumped out of the bed, quickly pulling on some trousers. "Estella!"

Pippin quickly got out of the bed as well, finding a shirt and trousers as fast as he could, the two were about to run out of the room after her when she suddenly walked back into the room.

"Estella, listen to me," Merry began, but didn't get any further.

She raised her arm and to both of their complete surprise, she was holding a knife in her hand. "You bastards," she mumbled and suddenly ran towards Pippin.

Merry barely had time to blink before he realised what was happening. She ran towards Pippin, screaming and cursing, swinging the knife. Pippin dodged the first, but she quickly slashed behind her, cutting his left arm. Pippin screamed, falling on a knee, his hand grabbing his arm in pain. Estella's hand was coming down again, the lighting behind her, making her glow with rage.

The knife never found it's target, Merry wasted no time in grabbing Estella from behind, grabbing both her wrist.

"Calm down!" He yelled.

"I'LL KILL YOU BOTH!!!" Estella screamed, tears falling down her cheeks. Pippin could only watch as Estella tried to wrestle from Merry's grip. "HOW COULD YOU!?! YOU BASTARD!!! HOW COULD YOU!?!" She gave it her all, but Merry didn't let go, and then finally the knife fell from her hand and she went limp in his arms, crying and whimpering. "How could you...?"

Pippin took a deep breath and realised he had been holding it, then he quickly reach forward and grabbed the knife that had some of his blood on it.

"Merry," Pippin began, not even knowing what he was going to say.

Merry closed his eyes. "You better get out of here Pip."

"Right," Pippin nodded, still too shocked to fully comprehend what had happened. He wanted to stay, but he left with the knife anyway.

"Estella? Say something Estella," Merry urged her softly. "Please say something."

"You've ruined me," her soft reply through her choked tears finally came.

"Have you lost her mind?" Merry's attitude had quickly turned to anger. He turned her around, his hands firmly on her shoulder shaking her. "Have you gone insane!?! You just tried to kill Pippin!"

Estella looked into his eyes and Merry could see her shattered soul in there. "You've taken everything from me..."

"What are you talking about?"

"You never loved me, you just married me one day and suddenly I was stuck with you! You've never given me anything and now... I didn't actually think you two... I didn't want to think... But in our bed Merry? Our bed?"

"You just tried to kill Pippin."

"Because you've killed me! Why'd you marry me!? As a front!? I could have been happy in my life! But no! You came around and stole my life away. Are you even aware that I'm alive!?! Look at me Merry! I'm not some doll you have to feel better about yourself! You stole my life! You've murdered me!!!" Tears began to fall down her cheeks once more. "You've murdered me," her head fell forward and she began sobbing once more.

Merry let go of her, letting her fall to the floor, mumbling to herself.

"You..." Merry couldn't look at her. He wanted to be so angry at her, and he was, and yet he knew it was his fault. He knew that he had taken her life from her... and he hadn't even realised it. He didn't know what to do, so he left the room to find Pippin, to see if he was alright, but Pippin was gone. His pony was gone and Merry knew he had gone back to Tuckborough.

Everything seemed to crash around him. His life was suddenly torn down. All the times he had looked at Estella and had seen that something was wrong... he thought he had noticed it, but he had simply ignored it. He had ignored it until it had built up in such a way that it had simply driven her mad for a moment.

He knew then what Pippin had been warning him about all along. They were too complicated to be together. He couldn't be with Pippin.

They couldn't be together.

(Hum... too angtsy? I wonder if Estella isn't a little too unhobbit like? I sat myself down before writing this and went: Ok, what's going through Estella's mind? Suddenly this stream of things sprang forth. She loves Merry, and she was holding on to that for six years, desperately trying to keep from drowning because she felt that he didn't love her. The second she saw them together everything crashed around her. How could she hold on to her love for him when she now knew for certain that it wasn't returned? So once I started writing her dialogue all of that came out. My poor Estella, and really Estella is my creation, I wish I could have been nicer to her. Well then, the joy of my story has disappeared, and something tells me that most of you are officially scared of what I'll do next. Heck, even I'm a little scared. But yay Fatty Bolger! I wanted to mention him, and think I should find more ways to bring him up. I loved writing their whole bickering scene, something tells me they'd have bickered about the quest several times on who did more about what and when. Aoi: Yup, completely insane. Oh shut up Aoi, you're not exactly grounded in reality either!)


	8. 9: no beginning no end

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

1434

Chapter Nine: no beginning no end

Pippin had raced home. He didn't bother to take anything but the clothes off his back. He couldn't have stayed in that house, his guilt was too much. He had always known they had been walking along the edge of a knife, but he had ignored it. He had been selfish and now... Pippin knew only too well how it felt to be betrayed by the hobbit he loved... by Merry.

Blood ran down Pippin's arm, staining his shirt red, but he didn't feel the pain. Adrenaline pumped through his veins and no one could have stopped him as he raced through the night to his home.

Hours passed by in a flash, his life with Merry running through his mind like a bad dream. He knew what was going to happen, he had known it all along. But Pippin knew he couldn't take it if Merry left him again. The pain was too much.

The sun came up behind Pippin, but he didn't notice, didn't care. The new day brought no comfort to him, nothing could bring comfort. When his home came into view he only felt dread, until he dismounted from his pony and felt the pain in his arm hit him all at once. It felt like someone had cut his arm off rather then just cut it.

Pippin screamed, grabbing his arm and noticing how much blood there was. He fell onto the bench outside of his home and stared at the wound in wonder. He almost felt like he had deserved it, like he had committed a horrible crime, and Pippin suddenly realised that he had committed a horrible crime, both him and Merry had committed a horrible crime.

"Pippin!" Pippin's head shot towards the door where he saw Diamond running out, looking scared. "You're hurt!" She rushed to his side, going onto her knees and looking at his arm. Pippin winced as she touched his arm, but said nothing. "Oh what happened?"

"Nothing..."

"Nothing!?! You call this nothing!?!" She grabbed his arm.

Pippin screamed again. "Well stop touching it!"

"Well tell me what happened!"

Pippin looked away. "I was ridding... cut myself on a branch..."

Diamond looked closely at the thin cut. It was a little longer than an inch and although Diamond was no doctor she could tell that it hadn't been a branch. The cut was too deep for a branch, too thin, too exact.

"You're lying."

"And what of it? What if I am lying? What if I'm telling the truth!? What does it matter!?!" Pippin screamed in her face.

"Why are you screaming at me?" Diamond asked quietly in a quivering voice. "What is going on?"

Pippin buried his face in his hands, blood smearing on his forehead. He wanted to say so much, confess every bad deed he had ever done to this hobbit... this hobbit that he did sincerely love, that he had ever since he had played with her as a child. But no words came out, only tears from all his pent-up guilt. He had done a horrible thing, and he kept repeating that in his head.

"Some things," he whispered between choked sobs. "Can't be forgiven."

Diamond sat beside him, putting her arm around him. His head lolled onto her shoulder as he looked at his home and his garden.

"Whatever happened Pippin, it'll be all right." She caressed his cheek, wiping his tears away as if he was her child.

"How can it be all right?" Pippin thought to himself. "Can things ever be all right again?"

To be together without complication... probably what everyone dreams of. There is no such thing though, and that bitter thought soon found its way into Merry's mind. The reason they first broke up, the reason they stayed apart for so long and now... Their lives and the lives around them were forever in danger of being destroyed.

Merry wanted to ignore the notion, but how could he when Estella was suddenly sick and Pippin had run off in the night? How could he pretend that everything was all right when he saw everything falling apart right before his eyes? How could he pretend that it wasn't his fault? Pippin had warned him, and he had ignored it. All this pain was his fault and he couldn't do a single thing to change that.

Estella's mother Rosamunda and father Odovacar had come to Brandy hall after Merry had sent word to them that Estella was ill, and that allowed him to have some time away from her. Time he spent walking along the Brandywine river trying to think of the better times in his life, trying to forget about the responsibilities of his current one.

It was on such a day more then a week after Pippin had left Buckland, that he returned. Merry had gone out and had gone to the Brandywine, and that's where Pippin found him swimming in the river, his shirt lying on the shore.

Pippin sat by the shore, wading his feet, waiting for Merry to finish his swim. He didn't want to call out to him, watching him swim carelessly was something he didn't want to let go of. As if this was the last time he would ever see Merry. The thought made him shudder, despite the warmth of the sun.

"Hullo Pippin." Merry suddenly said, wading in the water, finally noticing Pippin sitting there. "How long have you been there?"

"Not long," Pippin answered. Both seemed neither happy nor sad to see the other.

Merry began swimming towards Pippin, brushing his wet hair out of his face. He finally reached the shore, walking up to Pippin with drenched trousers.

"Strange that I find you swimming, most un-hobbit like," Pippin said almost mockingly.

"I couldn't help myself," Merry leaned down to kiss Pippin, but Pippin quickly moved aside.

"We need to talk," Pippin said quickly.

"Okay..." Merry said and sat down, looking at Pippin.

"How's Estella?"

"She's... distant. I'll be beside her, but her spirit is elsewhere. She barely eats, never speaks unless she's muttering in some waking dream... She'll get better."

Pippin paused, an image of Estella lying in bed as if dying of his account unsettled him. "How do you know she'll get better?"

"She's heartbroken Pip, as far as she's concerned her life is over, but it isn't. She'll see that sooner or later."

"It's horrible..." Pippin said, looking into Merry's eyes with guilt and pity. "Horrible..."

"I wish there was something I could do for her... but I feel like I don't even exist to her anymore..."

"I wish you hadn't followed me to Bywater..."

Merry looked at Pippin. "Do you really mean that?"

Pippin's eyes were sad. "I think I do... On the other hand, I wish you'd followed me a lot sooner..." Pippin looked back out to the river. "Poor Estella..."

"When I married her... I never thought..." Merry gave a bitter laugh. "I just never thought."

"Why did you marry her?" Pippin finally asked the question he had been dying to ask for seven years now. "Why did you leave me?"

Merry looked shocked, confused that the question suddenly came. "Well you know," he felt a little embarrassed all of the sudden. "For you."

"For.... what?" Pippin thought for sure that he had heard incorrectly.

"For you, because you wanted a family."

"I wanted a family..." Pippin was trying to figure this out in his head. "You left me because I wanted a family."

"Pippin I never wanted to leave, I never stopped loving you, do you still not understand that?"

"I never knew that you... You made choices for me..."

Merry got up, putting his shirt on. "It wasn't my choice for you to have a family."

"What choice did I have? You left me..." Pippin said in a daze, looking up at Merry with teary eyes. "You left me and you didn't ask..."

Merry was feeling increasingly uncomfortable. He had always thought that all of this had been behind them. "Why are you bringing this up all of the sudden?"

"I never knew... I always wanted to ask."

"But why now? Why do you have to ask these things now?"

"What does it matter when I ask them? Doesn't change the fact that you left me."

"You make it sound like I wanted to." Merry was getting increasingly annoyed at the angry Pippin.

"Did you want to? Because you didn't seem to have any problem with it."

"Why are you getting so mad?"

Pippin was on his feet, his eyes filled with anger and tears. "Because it wasn't your decision!!!" Pippin grabbed Merry's shirt, shaking him out of frustration. "It was our decision!!! Our choice!!! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO US!?!"

"Because I felt like there wasn't an 'us' anymore! I loved you so much, but you couldn't see that anymore. You wanted a family and it was killing you Pip. Every day it was worse. I wanted you to be happy, so I left you! I gave up my happiness for you!"

"You-" Pippin was trying to hold back his rage. "You, are trying to blame me? You just left me one day! I didn't know what had happened!!!"

"That day was for you."

"I died that day!!!" Pippin let go of Merry, turning away.

"What would you have done Pippin!?! Could you have picked!?!"

"Well you did easily enough."

"Easy!?! You think marrying Estella Bolger is easy!?!"

Pippin turned back in a new rage and despair. "But I didn't get to decide! There was no warning, no explanation, just Fatty Bolger showing up one day to wish you congratulations! I was the last to know! and I lived with you!!!"

"I couldn't tell you! I had to be strong for both of us, because of you. Our lives together were over-"

"BECAUSE OF YOU!!!" Pippin screamed, and Merry had nothing left to say. Old emotions stirring up that both had thought had long been dead.

Pippin walked towards Merry, a menacing and hurt look in his eyes all at once.

"Do you want to know what I would have picked, had you let me?" He leaned in, their faces almost touching. "I would have picked you."

Merry could feel his heart stop, a tear fall down his cheek. He couldn't breath, couldn't speak because of the lump in his throat. He couldn't move because he thought that he would die.

I would have picked you.

Pippin stepped back and looked away, his mind finally made up.

"So many mistakes in our life..." he whispered, and then looked up at Merry. "I've never loved anybody like I love you... I never will."

"Don't." Merry pleaded, tears falling down his face without count.

"You know this is wrong, you know that," Pippin wanted to scream at him, but his voice was becoming weak, tears ran rampant down his cheeks.

Merry shook his head. "You're the only right thing about me."

Pippin came forward and grabbed Merry into an embrace, their cheeks touching and tears mingling together. Merry grabbed him, not wanting to let him walk out of his life. He couldn't be separated from him another time. He couldn't live without Pippin, he was Merry's reason for living as well.

"I'm sorry," Pippin pushed Merry away, wiping his tears from his eyes. "But this time I get to decide," Pippin gave a sob, his lip quivering. "It has to end."

"No," Merry choked out, he could barely see between tears. "We can find a way around this Pip. Estella will get better, everything will be fine. You just have to stay with me, you just have to stay with me."

"It's over Merry," tears fell mercilessly. "It's been over for a long time."

"It's not over Pippin! PLEASE!" Merry fell to his knees, pleading with the love of his life. He had to stay, he had to stay, he had to stay.

Pippin looked away, going to the road with blurry eyes. Trying to run away because every part of him wanted to run back to Merry... but he couldn't. For Estella, for Diamond, for Faramir... for each other. They couldn't be together anymore, their chance had been lost seven years ago, and neither could take the blame, for both were guilty.

Walking away from him became harder and harder, his tears obstructing his sight, his ears burning with Merry's shouts. As they faded into the background, so did the road and his life. He had to walk away, something he wasn't able to do seven years ago, something that was killing him to do so now. They couldn't be together...

"PIPPIN!!!" Merry screamed until his voice became hoarse, but he knew that Pippin would not return. He had come with the purpose of telling him that it was over, what he said now was meaningless, and suddenly Merry realised that. 

He was alone by the shores of the River Brandywine and Pippin was gone. Merry did not return to Brandy hall that night, he could barely move. H spent his night by the river, incapable of remembering better days, but thinking only of the Pippin he had lost. His Pippin... he had thrown him away and now couldn't have him ever again.

I would have picked you.

And they would have been miserable, but they could have been miserable together.

(Ah!!! This is late!!! I'm so sorry, I got all sidetracked because of the Lacrosse game (which we won) and forgot to post this! SORRY!!! Well, now that I'm in an emotionally unstable mood... How are you? I spent seven chapters trying to get you people to think one thing - that Pippin had left Merry - so that at this chapter I could turn everything on its head and say: "Merry's just as much of a sod." Now I love them, and I love them together, but realistically they can't be together. Hence "It has to end." However, you may now be thinking: "There's still two more chapters." And indeed there are! So maybe I am misleading you, taking you down one road only to change directions! Or perhaps I'm so miserable about being single that I'll keep them apart forever and ever! Moowhahahahahahahahaha!!! Or maybe people who have read the appendixes already know what's gonna happen, because I am trying to stick to those to a T. Does that sentence make sense written down? Hey, like my Fatty Bolger reference? I brought him up again! Well he needs all the FicTime he can get, especially since he got cut out of the movie - he's the fifth hobbit. Fun Fatty Facts: Is Estella's older brother by five years. He hung out with Merry while waiting for Frodo, Pippin & Sam to show up. Resided in Crickhollow pretending to be Frodo when the hobbits left. Once led a rebellion. Served a brief sentence in prison in the year 1419 for said rebellion. Did not attend Estella and Merry's wedding because they held a private ceremony with just them and their parents, that's why he then went to Crickhollow to find Merry. Now that you're in tears - from bordom, not from the story - I best let you go, because I have two more chapters to write. I think I'll put Fatty in the next chapter)


	9. 10: dirty and true

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

1434

Chapter Ten: dirty and true

When Merry finally returned to Brandy hall the next morning, he felt as though the world had been pulled from underneath his feet. He walked like the undead, barely finding his way back home, and only making it because his feet remembered the way. He didn't want to return home... not alone... not without his Pippin.

When he finally found the road to his house he felt his senses coming back. He could finally hear the birds singing and the felt the warmth of the sun on his face, and smelt the scent of old Tobey... He looked up and found much to his surprise that Fredigar Bolger, or rather Fatty Bolger, sitting on Merry's porch, smoking a pipe.

"Hullo Master Merry!" Fatty greeted happily. "Did Pippin find you all right? He was looking for you yesterday at about tea time."

"Pippin?" Merry asked with a hoarse voice. "Yes, he found me." Merry looked at Fatty with confusion in his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to visit my sister, my parents mailed me saying she wasn't feeling very well... Say, where have you been?" Fatty asked suspiciously, looking the dirty hobbit over. "Looks like you slept in a ditch."

Merry took a seat on the porch next to his old friend. "I did sleep in a ditch."

Fatty almost laughed, not knowing if he was joking or being serious, but from the grim look on his face he assumed that his friend wasn't joking around.

"Don't worry about Estella, she'll be fine," Fatty reassured him, thinking that Estella's condition had to be the reason for his sad state.

Merry looked at Fatty with a sincere smile on his face and watery eyes. "Yes I know, thank you," Merry said, and actually meant it. Having a kind voice saying kind things to him once more was more than he could ask for. "I should go see Estella."

"Go right on in, we won't bother you," Fatty said, taking another puff of his pipe.

Merry put his hand on Fatty's shoulder in a friendly way as he left him sitting on the porch. He then found Rosamunda and Odovacar Bolger in the kitchen having a light snack of bread, cheese and two cups of tea.

"Hello Merry," Rosamunda greeted him cheerfully.

"My goodness, you look a fright boy," Odovacar exclaimed as he took Merry in. "One would think you had slept in a ditch."

Merry opened his mouth to say something, but Rosamunda cut him off.

"Now, now Odo, he's obviously just worried about Estella," she got up from the table and walked over to Merry, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other on his forehead. "Look at you, warm as a kettle. You need to take a long bath and relax before that fever gets worse," she smiled, grabbing his hair in a lovingly way.

"Don't fondle the lad! He might have been rolling in filth." Odovacar paretically muttered to himself.

"Oh if Estella hadn't gone running off in this storm she'd be fine now! What was she thinking? I guess we're lucky that she's alive," Rosamunda's eyes went to the floor.

Merry looked at Estella's mother with guilt in his eyes, he knew what she was thinking. She was coming back to see if he was seeing someone else... and she had found the truth out for herself. He had done this to his wife, not the rain. For seven years he'd been breaking her down without a second thought and she finally couldn't take the strain any longer.

Rosamunda looked up at Merry once more, taking his guilt for sorrow. "Cheer up my lad, Fatty's here too, so you have a whole family to look after the both of you."

"Master of Brady hall and still needs a wet nurse," Odovacar muttered to himself, taking in a few puffs on his pipe.

Merry ignored Odovacar and looked at Rosamunda, taking her hands off of himself and freeing himself from her grasp. "I'm going to go take care of Estella." Like I should have been doing for seven years.

"Yes of course," Rosamunda smiled. "We'll be here if you need us."

With that, Merry took his leave of the Bolgers.

"And don't come back until you've had a bath!"

"Estel?" Merry poked his head into the bedroom and saw Estella lying asleep on the bed. He crept in quietly, closing the door behind him. "Estel," it was the nickname he used to call her by when they were first wed. He sat by the bed, taking her hand and looking at her sleep peacefully and felt a pain in her heart. She looked now like she had when he had first married her, when she had been beautiful and peaceful.

As he saw her lying there, his grief grew less. He knew without a doubt then, that his place was here, beside his wife. Peregrin Took was and always would be the love of his life, but Estella was his wife and he owed her many things. He owed her care and love and faithfulness, such things that he had never bothered to give her before.

He told himself that over and over again and it seemed that the pain of losing Pippin became lessened.

"Meriadoc Brandybuck..." Estella's eyes were half open, sleep still heavy upon them. "Is Pippin all right?"

Merry took a deep breath in shock, she was awake and speaking. He wanted to run out and fetch her parents and brother, but knew that he had to speak with her first and foremost.

"Is he?" She looked up at him, genuinely concerned.

Merry nodded. "Yes, he's fine."

"That's good," her eyes clouded over. "I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I know you didn't, and he knows that too."

There was so much pain in her eyes then that suddenly Merry felt the urge to cry. The back of his eyes seemed like they were on fire and he wanted to look away, but couldn't allow himself to do so.

"Merry... I can remember a time when things were good... Have I just lost my mind? Were we ever happy?" Tears fell down the side of her face.

"We were... once," he answered softly.

"Do you remember that night in the field... underneath the full moon?" She looked at him, some of her youth shining in her eyes. "It was the happiest night I can remember... Was it really seven years ago?"

Merry nodded, not being able to bring forth words.

She looked up at the ceiling, remembering the night and smiling, then she looked over at Merry and her smile faded. "Did you ever love me?"

Merry looked down at her with gentle eyes. "Yes."

Estella almost smiled. "Really?"

"When I first saw you..." Merry remembered the day so many years ago, before he ever went of the quest to destroy the Ring. "You were laughing that day, though I can't remember why... and it made your eyes sparkle, and you hair shine and your skin seemed to glow."

Tears fell down Estella's cheeks as Merry continued, holding onto this memory of Estella and trying desperately to forget Pippin. "I thought you the most beautiful hobbit. There was a kindness I saw in you then that I loved. I knew then, if I were to marry, it'd be with you," he looked at her kindly, and then smiled. "Wish I'd known about your temper.

Estella gave a laugh despite herself.

"And Pippin?" She finally asked. "Did you love him then?"

"...Yes..." Merry could remember the first day he met Pippin as well, years before Estella when they were both just children. He hadn't known what love was then, but he could just remember the glint of mischief in Pippin's eyes and he did love him from that day forward, even if he didn't realise it at first. The thought almost made him cry. 

"Why did you marry me?"

"Estel-"

"I need to know Meriadoc."

"... Because we couldn't be together anymore."

Estella closed her eyes, more tears coming to them. She opened them again, a slight bitterness present. "And now what? Are you going to run of to your Rohan with him and leave me completely? If you are, I want to know."

"No... Pippin and I... It's over. It had to end." He looked away.

"So once again we're together because you two need to be apart." Estella looked away.

"No," Merry protested. "We're apart for you and Diamond and Faramir, and we're sorry... I'm sorry Estel."

Estella looked back at him, raising her hand and caressing his cheek. "You'll hate me forever."

Merry gently grabbed her hand. "I'll never hate you," he looked into her eyes, proving his sincerity. "I owe you more than I can give."

"Just stay with me until the end... It won't be long now..." The bitterness fled from her eyes, replaced instead with a look of despair. "There's not much left in me."

"Don't speak like that," he shook his head and she pulled her hand away.

"I was a silly girl the day I married you, Master Meriadoc."

"Call me Merry, Estella."

Estella smiled once more. "But I remember why I did it..."

"Why did you do it?" Merry asked, almost in a whisper.

"Because I love you."

Merry closed his eyes, a tear falling down his cheek.

"Because I fell in love with you a long time ago."

When Pippin finally returned to Tuckborough, it was night time. What the date and time was, were things completely lost to him. He felt like a piece of him had been torn out for the second time, only this time he had been the one to do the damage. There was no one to hate, and no one to love, there was simply emptiness in his heart.

For years he had been able to blame Merry for all his sorrow, and it seemed Merry had done the same to him. That, Pippin knew, would end. There would be no more hatred, even though there was no more love... No, Pippin knew that was a lie. Love was a thing that could not die, could not be hidden. There would always be love between the two. Though Pippin wasn't too sure whether that thought comforted him or not.

As he walked through his home though, and found the belongings of his family... his heart seemed to lift. As he walked into his son's room and saw him sleeping in his small bed, he felt the joy that he had thought stolen from him. As he walked into his own room and saw his wife lying there, he knew that he could be happy.

This is what he had wanted, Merry had told him so and it was true. He laid down beside his wife, listening to her sleep. Yes, he could be happy like this... but his heart knew that he couldn't live without Merry. It wasn't a sad thought anymore though. For the first time in a long time he felt like things would be truly good once more.

(A shortie but a goody. The story is wrapping up and hopefully you see that my characters are just as happy as they are sad because they're finally seeing the things in life that they've taken for granted. This was very much the Bolger's chapter, I really wanted to give Estella a redeeming scene and calling her 'Estel' a few times did that for me, because it sounds so very pretty and - although I had forgotten so at the time - means 'hope' in Elvish and was Aragorn's name back when his heritage was kept secret from him. And look! Fatty Bolger has a speaking role! I must say, I am becoming rather attached to him. He's a fun little fellow, though not nearly as fun as Rosamunda and Odovacar Bolger. Yes, those are their real names. I do my research! I decided that their nicknames were Rosie and Odo, but I had so much fun writing Rosamundo and saying it out lout that I didn't want to write Rosie, besides - dumb people might think I was talking about Rosie Cotton (Gamgee). Hahaha, I accidentaly wrote 'Gangoo', hahahahahaha. That's too fucking funny. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I kill myself... especially when I get very little sleep. Banky: You're a sad little girl. Shut up Banky! I'm older then you! I've been working really hard on this story, and have been trying to write it very fast. I haven't even posted it yet - although I have now because obviously you're reading it, but this will be the first story I've posted that's already finished and edited. That means that you people haven't had to wait months for me to update, and get to read the last chapter next week! Or right away, if this is long after I've posted it. Whatever. On to the next chapter! It may exist to you, but I still haven't fucking written it. One two, skip fifty fucking years... Bwahahahahaha!!! Reviews ~ AHHTB: I'm so sorry I almost made you cry in public! I didn't realise anybody else would get so caught up in this story! E 666: Please don't kill me! Ok, let's see if I can get this posted now, because FF.Net is being a real bitch lately)


	10. 11: lethal and young

(last night we were) the delicious wolves

Chapter Eleven: lethal and young

Estella never truly recovered.

There were days when Merry would see her and she looked young and fresh and happy, but there was always a shadow over her heart and one day years after Merry finally became her husband, she was found washed upon the shores of the River Bradywine, her suffering soul having finally left Middle-Earth.

No one knew if it had been an accident or not.

Once Merry had wished day after day for Estella to die, but the moment he laid eyes on her lifeless body, he felt true grief. A part of him never recovered from her loss. Were Estella watching from afar, she'd finally know the truth: Merry did love her. She would have been truly happy, if she were watching from afar that is.

The years were not full of sadness though, there was happiness as well.

After Pippin had left Merry by the river, not a week had passed before news came to Pippin that his mother Eglantine and father Paladin II died, and so Pippin became the Thain. Later on Thain Peregrin, Master Meriadoc and Mayor Samwise Gamgee were then made councillors of the North-kingdom by King Elessar.

Although Merry and Pippin knew that they could never be lovers again, they did become best friends again. At first they were nervous around the other, but soon their old habits came forth and even though they were full grown hobbits, they still found it in their schedule to steal mushrooms from Farmer Maggot's crops.

As promised in his letter, King Elessar and the Lady Arwen did come to the Shire in the summer of 1436. He gave to Sam (who now had two more children, Primrose and Bilbo) one of his most precious belongings, the Star of the Dúnedain. Elanor was made a maid of honour to Arwen. There were no gifts for Merry and Pippin, except that Legolas and Gimli had journeyed with Aragorn. Their reunion was a joyous one. All the members of the Fellowship still bound to Middle-Earth were united once more.

They stayed for a year north of the Shire along the banks of Nenuial, or Lake Evendim as it was known in the Shire. The happy year seemed to pass like days and before they knew it, the hobbits had to bid farewell to their friends once more, but the parting was not a bitter one. Even though they were sad, there was happiness amongst the Fellowship that day.

The separation didn't last long, in 1442 (after Robin Gamgee had been born) Sam, a pregnant Rosie and Elanor traveled down to Gondor and they stayed there for a year. While there, their last child Tolman, simply known as Tom, was born. Althought both wanted to travel once more, Merry and Pippin did not travel to the south that year, staying behind instead to care for their families. Both also knew in their hearts though that they would see Rohan and Gondor once more.

In 1463 Pippin saw his family grow up when Faramir, having come of age, married Goldilocks Gamgee. A finer wedding hadn't been seen since Goldilocks' mother had wed Samwise years earlier. Goldilocks wore the same dress that Diamond had all those years ago when she had wed Pippin, and looked all the more beautiful in it as she walked down the aisle to a hobbit who loved her more than any other.

It was on Mid-year 's Day of 1482 that Rossie Gamgee died. Then on the 22nd of September Sam rode out with Elanor, but she was the only one who had returned. Sam had gone to the Grey Havens and had passed over the sea like all the ring-bearers before him. He had gone away to be with his Frodo once more. At least, that's what Merry and Pippin believed in their hearts. Sam had finally been able to go back to that life.

1484

Diamond came to her end in the winter of 1483 at the age of 93. It was the coldest winter Pippin ever remembered, but much comfort was brought to him by Merry, who invited him to Brandy hall. They grieved at the losses of their wives together, but there was also trace of happiness because they both felt like they could be together once more. As close as they felt though, the respect for their dead wives still kept them apart. Their memory was still too close at hand.

The winter soon passed though and a new year and a new season found them. In many ways it was like they had been reborn again. They were now both considered to be old hobbits, but as the frost melted outside the hall, it also seemed to melt off of their bodies and they could remember the feeling of being young as if it had been only yesterday.

Nearly fifty years had passed since their bitter parting at the riverbank, fifty years since they had lest held each other in a lover's embrace or kissed the other. Their feelings, however, did not die on that day or any day that followed. When Pippin came to his doors in tears over his wife's death Merry and embraced him them, feeling the heat of Pippin's body once more against him. Their sorrow washing off in the rain.

Many things had changed over the years, but not their love.

On one beautifully green spring morning, Pippin woke up from a bright dream and found Merry sitting by the bedroom's fireplace reading a letter. He sat up and rubbed his eyes, not having expected to see Merry in his room. Then his eyes concentrated on the letter in Merry's hand and his old curiosity rushed back into him.

"What are you reading?" Pippin asked, sleep still heavy in his voice.

Merry looked up. "A letter from Éomer."

"Really?" Pippin asked excitedly, completely awake now.

"You're not the only one who gets letters from Kings you know," Merry said with a sly smile, remembering their encounter in the caves all those long years ago.

"Well what does it say??" He was becoming almost anxious.

Merry cleared his throat and began:

"Dear Master Holdwine-

I hope this letter finds you in good times. In fact, I am hoping that it finds you at all, seeing you are 102-years-old now...

"Lots of chat here... Old indeed. I'm a long way from dying! How does such an old King find the wit to make these 'jests'."

"Well skip the insults, just read it to me."

"There's several parts in here were he indiscreetly calls me short..." Merry flipped through the pages.

"Oh fine, don't read it to me. Just tell me what he wants," Pippin pleaded, dying to hear some news from the south.

"Well... he wants to see me again. Of course he doesn't want to travel here, so I must travel to him."

"To Rohan?" Pippin asked, his voice seemed to drop a note. "You're going to go to Rohan... by yourself...?"

Merry looked back up at Pippin. "I haven't decided really. I mean Rohan is far away and I am so old." Merry said sarcastically as he mockingly glared at the letter.

"More the reason to bring someone with you," Pippin hinted.

"Yes I suppose. But who could I find that would want to go to Rohan with me? Sam's gone... Frodo's gone..."

"Merry!"

"Yes?" Merry looked completely oblivious.

"You're not funny," Pippin ave him a mocking glare.

"Yes I am Pip, and yes I want you to come with me."

Pippin smiled at his best friend.

"We finally get to return south!"

Merry stood up smiling at Pippin. "Yes, it seems our time to travel again has finally come Pip. I may be old, but I am still hale."

"To Rohan... and then Gondor?" Pippin asked with a light in his eyes, and hopefulness that Merry hadn't seen for too many years now, and it warmed his heart to see it. "We can see Strider and Arwen and Legolas and Gimli..." Pippin trailed off in thought.

Merry walked over Pippin, taking his hand with a somber look. "Pippin I'm sorry you know..."

"Merry, what do you mean?"

"I'm sorry I left you, I know it's long past due... but I needed to say. I don't know what I was thinking back then, there's only so many excuses I can make about it. I let you down... I just wanted you to know, that I never want to do that again." Merry looked down at the ground with sad eyes.

Pippin leaned over, raising his chin up, and then with a smile kissed him gently on the lips, not letting him say another word. He leaned back, his bright eyes looking into Merry.

"It's not your fault... It's nobody's fault. It's the past, we can go on with our lives now."

"In the south..."

Pippin smiled. "Yes."

Merry's eyes looked intense. "If we go, if you come with me... I don't think we'll ever come back you know."

Pippin sat back against the headboard, looking around the room, images of the Shire coming through his mind. "I don't think we should. I mean, this is our home... of course," he looked deep into Merry's eyes. "But I know that we were meant to go back there... together." 

Merry took his hand. "I know Pip, I know."

They smiled at each other, tears of happiness brimming in their eyes. They were going to be together, and they knew it would be until the end of their days.

Almost immediately they had packed all their most precious possessions, but the most precious was the other hobbit by their side. They left barely a week after the letter arrived, riding off in their ponies, hand in hand, excitement in their eyes as they began their final adventure, and their last journey.

And it was on that summer day in 1484 that they rode off into the south, and into legend to spend the rest of their days together.

(That was a fun chapter to write - that's sarcasm, every line I had to look up in that damned appendix. I have honestly slept with the appendix and the maps by my bed. Though for all the specifics, there's a lot that isn't specified in the books. Like when Estella and Diamond die, or whether Merry has any children. There is a sentence: "[Merry and Pippin] handed over their goods and offices to their sons and road away", so I tried to stay away from mentioning whether Merry had a son. You could suppose that they did after things were good between Merry and Estella, I won't deny it, nor will I put it in my story. Legolas and Gimli showing up with Strider isn't in the appendix, but it never says they don't come, so I don't see why I can't write it in. It's a nice little paragraph! There was a draft of this chapter where Diamond died in 1475, but that started feeling much too soon, so I changed it until 1483, which gave the ending a bit more magical feeling, because that's when they finally get to be together... Kinda makes it a bit sad too... oh well. I told you that I was an angtsy writer! You didn't listen! I wish this chapter was longer, but I think it's just right - tell me if it's not. Now, here's what happens after they leave: They get to Rohan in the autumn in time to see Éomer die, then they travel to Gondor where they spend the rest of their days. I imagine these days are spent with the familiar characters of Strider, Arwen, Bergil - who was in my first story and ROTK, Gimli and Legolas - who seem to be mentioned being in Ithilien a lot, they eventually die in Gondor and when Strider dies in 1541 they're buried together. Arwen of course leaves Gondor and goes to the dead Lothlorien where she dies from a broken heart. Happy times! So this is the end of perhaps the most accurate LOTR fic ever written because I have way too much time on my hands. For all of you wanting hobbit-sex... you're dirty, and I'm sorry to dissapoint. Wait, sorry, I shouldn't have called you dirty. But c'mon! Short harry men going at it isn't sexy or romantic! I think I may have been spending far too much time around Banky... stupid Banky. Goodbye, maybe I'll write some more LOTRs fics, they're lots of fun. Though I doubt I'll ever write another CDFic, it was fun and all, but a little constricting. To all my reviewers... I'll miss you so much! So here's some final words: Rainbowsnstars - Be happy, for the bitch is dead and they do end up together (yay!) Pompy - Hehe, I could say 'pompy' all day. Pompy, pompy, pompy... NeverSay Die - Your reviews mean a lot to me too! And a story dedicated to Fatty? I put some serious though into that, about maybe writing about the revolution and such. Who knows... crazygonuts - Thank you! Sorry I almost made you cry... Or am I? Bye for now, if you want my suggestion on another fic to read, read 'Mirabella', it's the best Fic I've ever written and nobodies ever read it!)


End file.
